As I was sneaking into my building today, I noticed something. I have been sneaking into my building for the last four days due to an unfortunate mis-management with my keys. By mismanagement, I mean I left them at home in the pocket of my jeans. Which would of course, as fate requires, be the one and only pair of jeans I did not pack with me to return to my building with. I live in the building part time because I am in that rare transitional stage that some individuals in their early–mid-late twenties enter. It’s the result of that glorious realization that you know exactly what you wish do to for a living. In my case, this realization was promptly followed by the realization that I am totally lacking the formal education to do it. So, faced with this dilemma you either go insane or go back to school and really those are pretty dam close to the same thing. I am thinking of it as a transitional phase. Transitional phase is of course from the Latin for not going to have to share a sketchy bathroom with near strangers for the rest of your natural life. In the end, it could be worse and as for roommates well, I have lived with worse.

While on my now daily sneak, I noticed something. The guy I decided to sneak in after had the following clothing arrangement. Think of this as a sort of mental where’s Waldo? See, if you can spot the problem. He wore: a shirt on his upper body, underwear over his buttocks and his pants covering the range of mid thighs to ankles. When going up stairs his posterior was in my anterior. I, like so many other souls, possess eyeballs and as a result I noticed a few things. I decided right then and there on the middle stair way that if this fashion trend is to continue, we need to set ground rules. The first is that you need to have a nice butt to pull this look off. I don't want to be standing behind what looks like two polar bears fighting in a snowdrift. Second, you need to wear nice underwear. This guy was wearing grey like grandpa panties… it was weird. I spent most of the time trying to figure out how old his underwear was. It looked like it had marched with and possibly been worn by General Sherman when he marched into Atlanta. I want something with some with personality, flamingos, sponge bob, American flags or really any pattern (Rorschach test anyone?). If your underwear is going to be out wear, you are going to have wear underwear that is appropriate for outerwear. Third, the wearer of this look needs to know that if they were anything other then a guy they could not wear this look without the risk of sexual assault. Thus, they should act in a manner that reflects this. Otherwise, its just male ego flaunting itself, and no matter how nice your butt or how great your underwear that is tacky. Which is something that this sneak cannot approve of.