A big hello, hitRECord peeps!

I'm so very thrilled to join this wonderful community. I've discovered it through the uber-talented Sarah Daly (aka Metaphorest), and, well, I actually need to thank both Sarah and this website for what's been happening in my life recently. Here's the story:

I haven't made music for about 10 years now. While music used to be my entire life, in recent years life had me going down a different path. I haven't written a song in 10 years, haven't sung or played any instrument for about 8... Music became my past.

Not too long ago, I found the original master of an EP I recorded in the late 90's (which I've never released). I listened to it, felt saddened that it remained hidden all these years, and eventually shared it with people who have never heard it. These feelings, plus the feedback I've received, made me start considering getting back to creating music. But it seemed like a distant dream after such a long time. Didn't really think I'd be up for it.

And then I've heard Metaphorest's music, and was blown away by her talent and by the volume of her work! She's so prolific. It really inspired me. I was a step closer to picking up the guitar and start working. The thing that signed the deal was the discovery of this site. The idea behind it got me so excited that I couldn't resist it any longer, went ahead, and finally wrote and recorded my first new song. (So I am VERY excited at the moment!).

I thought long and hard whether I should post this old EP (which I don't have stems for) here, or just refer you guys to its soundcloud page. But then I thought that who knows, maybe someone could still do something with any of it (remix, cover, or maybe Joe and co. would dig it enough to make something happen with it after all these years…).

So I'm starting off by posting 4 old songs, and the new, fresh track, you've all helped inspire. :)

J. 

EDIT, March 22, 2012:

When I wrote this introduction I didn't see fit to disclose a certain aspect of this story. It didn't seem right to share it on my first day here. But over the last few months (considering the fact that people were still reading this post), I began to think that I probably should. The original post just didn't look right to me. It felt like I was hiding this crucial fact about myself.

I decided to add an edit at the end and not release this as a new RECord or edit the original post. It felt more right.

I wrote in the original post that "in recent years life had me going down a different path". The more truthful version is that life had me going nowhere. I've been suffering from depression for over 10 years. It was pretty much when I started taking anti-depressants that I stopped making music. My condition, combined with the numbing effect of the medications just made me give it up. (And this was at a point where I actually had a band and a potential record deal). At first, I was still able to pretty much function. I could still work, study, and maintain friendships. But gradually my condition became drastically worse. It got to a point where I couldn't leave the house; I abandoned social life completely, and lost all hope and desire for life, practically. There were days when I couldn't even get out of bed. And this non-living form of life went on for years. So getting back to making music REALLY didn't even seem like an option. I didn't allow myself to dream of such a possibility. It was so far away from me at that point. All I was praying for was to regain a decent life. To be able to leave the house, to be able to see people and not get a panic attack, to maybe be able to feel what's it like to enjoy something again...

The change started when I started therapy and stopped taking the anti-depressants. While things started to get a bit better, I still didn't think that getting back to making music was something that could ever happen. I became so insecure during these years, and making music became so incredibly alien to me. So scary. I felt that I forgot how to do that, and that it's something that was truly gone and buried.

So the fact that I managed to record some new songs in these last 5 months (and hopefully there will be more. Only time will tell) is truly incredible to me. And like I've written in the original post, Sarah and hitRECord had a huge part in that. And I will forever be grateful for that. <3