When I was a child I flirted heavily on becoming a movie star. I knew I had talent from an early age and I wanted to express myself. I remember being in the sixth grade and looking through history books wanting-hoping-that one day, even several years after my death, people would be talking about me.
Every day I'd come home from school and the show "Family Matters" would be on. So I thought every household in the world had a secret camera lurking in hidden corners of the walls, or even ceilings.
I remember being five years old, sitting on the porch watching my mom plant flowers and saying-very nonchalantly I may add, "Mom. I want to be on t.v. like those other people. Why aren't we on t.v.?"
She laughed and said, Elizabeth, those people are in Hollywood. They are movie stars."
"Mom. I want to be a movie star. Can you take me to L.A. so I can be on the show?"
She balances herself along her knee, her arm holding a gardening shovel dirt thing, wiping sweat from her brow and says, "It doesn't work that way, honney. You need to take lots and lots and lots of acting classes and lots and lots and lots of plays in order for me to take you to Hollywood."
I was in my first play. In the third grade there was a play called "Christmas Around the World". Pretty self explanitory. We acted out how each coundtry celebrated Christmas. I had the most important role. I was Rudolf.
I grew up. I wasn't in any more plays, at least not until college. But I still was not experienced enough for Hollywood.
One day, three years ago I was struck with reality. Run over by a dump struck is more liek it.(Metaphorically speaking, NOT LITERALLY). A colleaque of mine had a long chat with me. She told me that I am a better writer than I am at acting. I have a real gift and that I shouldn't waste it on something that's not going to exhist.
So, my dreams of moving to Hollywood and going to auditions there have faded dramatically throughout time.
Maybe my colleque was right. Hollywood is just not where I am meant to be.