Two guys sit beside each other in a theatre. It is intermission. MATT, about 28, is a clean-cut everyman who has been enjoying the show very much. ROBOT, indeterminate age, is staring ahead, emotionless.

MATT Hey, Buddy.

ROBOT does not initially react.

MATT (cont) Ah...hello?

ROBOT speaks. He is genial, but slightly-off; he's trying too hard to be casual.

ROBOT Evening.

MATT Enjoying the show?

ROBOT Indeed.

MATT Same, it's great to see so many artists...It's...ah, sorry man are you OK?

ROBOT I am experiencing the adequate amount of enjoyment.

MATT Right. I'm Matt, by the way. Hello.

ROBOT Evening. I am the Hitrecord Robot.

There is a pause. MATT thinks for a moment.

MATT The...you're the...robot?

ROBOT Correct.

MATT You...you're from the website?

ROBOT Correct.

MATT How did you get here?

ROBOT Automobile.

MATT Of course.

ROBOT I travelled with Jarred. Jeff had no room in his automobile. He was bringing equipment. It was crowded.

MATT So...ah, how come you're not backstage helping out?

ROBOT I like to watch the movies. It is not often I simply get to watch them.

MATT They work you hard down at HR HQ, huh? What do you...umm...what's your job, exactly?

ROBOT I calculate the hearts. I provide percentages. I rank participants.

There is a brief pause. ROBOT finally looks at MATT.

ROBOT (cont) One day I would like to hit the hearts.

MATT is becoming increasingly uncomfortable under ROBOT's gaze. He shuffles in his seat.

MATT This is some weird shit.

ROBOT Apologies. I do not often calculate outside of my work.

MATT That's cool, man.

ROBOT How do you feel about the local sports team? What is your preferred television programme? Do you enjoy the company of a specific female?

MATT Dude, what the hell are you doing?

ROBOT Small talk.

MATT You suck at it.

ROBOT Apologies. I do not often calculate outside of my work.

MATT Ok, listen - you can't calculate small talk. It just happens. You can't...you're not doing it right.

ROBOT processes this information. MATT feels bad; as though he's just yelled at a puppy.

MATT (cont) No I do not currently enjoy the company of a specific female.

ROBOT I'm sorry to hear that. Would you like to enjoy the company of a specific female?

MATT I guess, yeah. Isn't that what we all want?

ROBOT We are all wanting to hit the heart.

MATT ...Ok, yeah.

ROBOT We are all wanting to calculate our heart rates.

MATT ...Yes?

ROBOT Would you like me to download some chat up lines?

MATT You can do that?

ROBOT I am Wifi enabled.

MATT Umm, ok... go for it.

ROBOT's eyes roll back. He trembles slightly.

ROBOT "Do you interface at this location often?" "Is that a USB stick in your port or are you just happy to be in my presence?" "Please provide your IP number so that I may remotely access-"

MATT (interrupting) Woah, woah ok dude, I got it. Thanks.

ROBOT Did you find my services helpful?

MATT Yes, immensely. Thank you.

ROBOT is quiet for a moment. MATT is still uncomfortable.

ROBOT Would you hit my heart?

MATT Yes, definitely. I would hit your heart.

ROBOT finally manages to smile.

ROBOT Hitrecord Robot's heart rate is 100%.

MATT Congratulations, man. Congratulations.

Fade out.