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(GUY and GIRL are sitting next to each other at the Fall Formal. They both are clearly alone. It should be clear that they are interested in each other, but both are far too self-conscious to do anything about it. Instead of sneaking glances flirtatiously, they spend more time fidgeting - she picks at a run in her tights, he blows his nose too loudly, et cetera.)

GUY: So, um... you here alone?

GIRL: Yeah. You?

GUY: Yup. That’s me. Goin’ stag. (Long pause) A lone wolf on the prowl. (Another pause. GIRL smiles at him a little awkwardly.) Ridin’ it solo all night long. (Silence. GUY realizes he has made it sound like he’s masturbating.) I mean, not riding it. I’m not really riding anything. I mean - I mean I could ride something. I’ve been - there have been offers of, of riding. If I wanted to. But I’m not. (A beat.) I should stop talking now, shouldn’t I?

GIRL: That would probably be a good idea.

(Another long, awkward pause, only this time they’re looking everywhere except each other.)

GUY: So it’s pretty clear why I’m here alone.

GIRL: Pretty clear, yeah.

GUY: What about you?

GIRL: Oh, well, according to my ex-boyfriend, the rodeo clown -

GUY: (interrupting) Wait, is that a figure of speech, or...

GIRL: No, I really dated a rodeo clown. And he broke up with me.

GUY: Wow.

GIRL: Well, according to him, I’m emotionally unavailable. Which I guess was fair, I mean, I’m really focused on my career.

GUY: Oh? What do you do?

GIRL: I’m a taxidermist.

GUY: (Clearly thinking he’s mis-heard) A tax accountant?

GIRL: (Louder) Taxidermy. I stuff dead animals? Like, people’s pets?

GUY: Wait, you’re a taxidermist and your ex was a rodeo clown?

GIRL: Yes?

GUY: (Laughing to himself) Where did you two meet, a crazy jobs convention?

GIRL: (Not amused) We actually met at a bar.

GUY: Oh. Uh, sorry. (Another long pause.) Look, I’m so sorry. I get really awkward around pretty girls.

GIRL: (Warming slightly) Oh, you don’t have to say -

GUY: No, really, you’re one of the prettiest girls I’ve seen here tonight.

GIRL: Only one of them?

GUY: No! That’s not what I meant -

GIRL: Hey, no, I was just teasing. My ex was right. I can be kind of closed off and off-putting.

GUY: Don’t worry, I started this conversation by insinuating I was masturbating, I think you win.

GIRL: I’m a taxidermist. I smell of formaldehyde all the time. I probably smell like formaldehyde right now. That’s off-putting.

GUY: Not nearly as off-putting as being a pharmaceutical sales rep. I spend all my time diagnosing people. Like, (leans in and points into the distance) see that guy over there? The girl he’s with is way too hot for him, he’s terrified. I bet he wishes he had a little blue pill in his pocket right now. (GIRL laughs. GUY turns back around to face her, and his eyes linger on her shoulder.)  Oh, um, that mole? You should probably have it checked out. It’s kinda larger than average.

GIRL: (Visibly concerned) Oh no, really?

GUY: See! I did it again! We were finally having a normal conversation and then I’m like, “bam, you might have cancer”. That is such a major buzzkill. Why do I do that?

GIRL: It can’t be worse than the time at a family reunion I told my first cousin I thought he was hot. And I hadn’t even been drinking, so... I’m really the awkward one, here.

GUY: You know what’s awkward? If you google my name, the first two pages of results are about a guy with the same name as me who lives in Indiana and just got charged with seven counts of child molestation!

GIRL: I had a sex dream about Chewbacca!

GUY: I - wait, what?

GIRL: I mean, I had broken my arm and was on a lot of pain meds, but yeah. That happened.

(Silence, but for the first time it’s a warm, comfortable pause.)

GUY: You know, this is probably the most awkward yet honest conversation I’ve ever had with anyone before.

GIRL: Me too.

GUY: So, uh, even after all that, do you want to grab some dinner after this? I mean, we can’t possibly say anything worse to each other, now.

GIRL: (Smiles) I’d really like that.

GUY: (Teasing) And hey, if tonight goes well, I’d be perfectly happy to make some wookiee noises when we -

GIRL: (Cuts him off) - pushing it.

GUY: Right. Sorry. Of course.


NOTE: Whenever I tried to add the proper italics/bold, the entire script italicized itself. So... you'll have to just imagine this is proper screenwriting format, because I have no idea how to fix that one.

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