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Fred Watford
- New York City
- Last Record: 2013-05-13 14:11:40 -1000
- Joined: Sep 01, 2010
- www.FredWatford.com
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The lights in the auditorium come up revealing JOE. He is wearing an expensive tuxedo but it is slightly disheveled. Seated to his right is a beautiful woman, also dressed formally. The seat to his left is empty. JOE reaches into his jacket and takes a draw from a flask. JOE Want some? The woman doesn't reply. More for me! (drinking) So...where’d your dad go? WOMAN He’s not my Dad! JOE Oh...I guess that would explain the kissing. WOMAN I guess this would explain why you're alone. JOE looks over at the empty seat beside him. JOE She wasnt feeling too well. WOMAN (concerned) Oh...Well, Im sorry. JOE Dont be, shes a whore. WOMAN Thats a horrible thing to say! JOE Oh yeah, I guess you’re right. Whores get paid. There is an uncomfortable silence between the two. So, the old guy? WOMAN Hes not that old.... hes nice. JOE Nice? Nice? Fuck nice! My grandmother’s nice! How did that guy, that OLD guy, land a girl like you? WOMAN What do you mean ‘a girl like me?’ JOE Oh give it a rest lady you know what I mean. Youre gorgeous he’s.. he’s Gandalf! The woman looks at him for a moment and then bursts into laughter.The woman takes the flask from JOE and takes a long pull. Coughing. WOMAN Oh fuck. Another drink. E-Harmony.
JOE You're kidding? WOMAN A friend talked me into it JOE takes the flasks back from her. Drinks. JOE Is that friend ninety and still in the bathroom? She takes the flask. Drinks. WOMAN He’s not ninety, he’s … I dont know, but he’s not ninety. JOE So how did you even up trolling for guys online? WOMAN I told you, a frien... JOE Yeah I know a friend talked you into it. But how did it come to that? WOMAN Because I was sick of dating assholes. Youre only talking to me because you want to get in my pants. JOE Dress. and No, Im only talking to you because you are sitting beside me. If it had been you who went off to drop a deuce Id be sitting here talking to Mattlock about how he managed to get a girl like you. WOMAN Youre so gross. JOE So why not me? WOMAN Huh? JOE Why not a guy like me? WOMAN Thats not what you said. JOE Yeah fuck it, why not me? What does that guy have that I dont? Aside from an overactive bladder. WOMAN Its not what he has, its what you dont? JOE Thats what she said. WOMAN What? That doesnt even make sense. You're supposed to say ‘thats what she said’ when... JOE No. That’s what She said.
JOE nods over to the empty seat.
WOMAN Oh.
The music comes up indicating intermission is nearly over. JOE and WOMAN sit unspeaking.
CURTAIN
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