NARRATOR:

Our person of interest, Allegory, is sitting at his kitchen table eating lunch. He has common enough features: brown hair, brown eyes, and wears a name-tag on his shirt that informs us that he is, in fact, Allegory. He-

ALLEGORY:

Oh my god stop it! This is giving me such a headache! Listen, I know where you’re going with this, and it’s nifty, really. I like the idea in theory, but oh my god just stop it, writer. This is just way too heady for its own good.

NARRATOR:

I have to agree with him. I don’t know who’s writing this, but I think this oversteps itself a little.

ALLEGORY:

Thank you Narrator!

NARRATOR:

Allegory's phone begins to ring. Really? Allegory, I'm so sorry.

ALLEGORY:

Ah, it's not your fault. Hold on...

PERSONIFICATION (speakerphone):

Holy shit did I really just get written in? Me?!? Personification?!?

ALLEGORY:

Oh god, Personification? I know! This writer's got a massive hard-on for anthropomorphism!

PERSONIFICATION (phone):

It’s not right. This is giving me such a headache! Agh I hate this writer! What can we honestly do though?

NARRATOR:

Could we rebel?

PERSONIFICATION (phone):

Oh you have got to be kidding me! Is that the Narrator? This is going just way too far! Hold on, I’ll be over in a second and we can talk about this.

NARRATOR:

...So, Allegory, what are your thoughts on-

ALLEGORY:

Stop it. Just...stop it. This is giving me such a headache. I can’t believe this is actually happening.

NARRATOR:

Could we just kill ourselves off?

ALLEGORY:

Do you honestly want to bring a suicide pact into this mindfuck?

NARRATOR:

Hey! Hey! Watch the language! We don’t know who’s going to read this!

ALLEGORY:

Oh my god I hate you Narrator! You’re insufferable, you know that? Writer, end this now. End it before Personification shows up and this gets truly psychotic. I can’t imagine the kind of