My Dearest hitRECord,

My name is Gweninterrupted. i joined this site on January 28, 2009, just a few months after having been hospitalized for a major depressive episode. Movies have always been very therapeutic for me, and 2 out of 3 of my favorite movies of all time (Mysterious Skin and Manic) star hitRECord's own Joseph Gordon-Levitt. So i was thinking about Joe one day and on a whim, i looked him up on YouTube and found a video called "What does hitRECord mean?"  ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jd-fm0JRQgs ) At the start of the video, HITRECORD.ORG appears onscreen, which sent me here.

This place looked very different then. It was known as Version 3 of the site. At first, i wasn't exactly sure what to do or what to make of it, but i knew from Joe's video that it was something i wanted to be a part of. hitRECord soon became thought of by me as a creative Wonderland, and Joe, his brother burningDAN, and The Teafaerie became three of the most inspirational idols i have ever encountered in life. i am so moved by and so grateful to these three people for the endless amount of encouragement they have shown to myself and so many others here.

Between hitRECord version 3 and version 4, i have released over 1,100 RECords, mostly composed of singing, writing, and video editing. There are a handful of RECords and achievements that i am most proud of.  i sang "the Kiss chord" on both Morgan M. Morgansen short films. i sang harmony with Sean Lennon on Nebulullaby. A tiny story i wrote was published in the 2010 Tiny Book of Tiny Stories and was also read aloud by several different audience members onstage at some of hitRECord's live events. My name appeared in the credits of the documentary hitRECord contributed to for the Inception Blu-Ray (although i'm not sure what RECord that was for). Footage of me talking about the cinema appeared onscreen at hitRECord's show at the BFI in London. Pretty soon, my name will appear in the credits of the RECollection. And also, i released my memoir "Psych Ward Rockstar" here on the site upon deciding against trying to find a publisher for it. 

In my memoir, i talk a lot about what it was like to be hospitalized for depression, but i also talk a lot about my life- mostly my childhood. My childhood wasn't pretty.

( My memoir is here: http://www.hitrecord.org/records/400067 )

Sometimes i feel trapped inside my own mind, and when i get sad, my mind always takes me back there- to my not-pretty childhood. i become that scared little kid again and everything beautiful in the world disappears for me.

i have been very withdrawn from society ever since my hospitalization, with most of my connection and interaction with the world being solely through means of the internet- and i am thankful to have met so many great people here on hitRECord over the last few years.

i have felt my creativity slipping away over the last several weeks. Creativity is the only thing in the world that makes me feel productive. It has been an important part of my life for as long as i can remember. Without it, i feel so empty inside.

i feel i have reached a crossroads with two very different destinations. Down one path, i get to start a new life. But down the other, well, i'll just say...  i can't go on with things staying the way they are much longer.

No matter where i end up, i am so honored to have been a part of the hitRECord community. This place has been the best part of my world for a long time now.

Thanks, hitRECorders. And especially, thank you, RegularJOE.

Much love to all.

Goodbye for now.

Sincerely,

Gweninterrupted

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