It has been so long since I have RECorded anything, here. It felt as though the trade winds driving my creative ship lost the pressure gradient that drove them, sometime last spring. I am left to wonder at this still, silent sea. I haven't steam set the dyes in my sTiTchToWn project, a neglect which threatens to destroy the entire piece. It sits in its frame and stares at me each morning, reminding me alternately of my failure and that there is still a light, somewhere deeply hidden, that can blaze when I am finally prepared to let it.
I tell myself it's my children...they get into my things, they distract me from my work, they have needs that cannot be ignored the way I can ignore hunger or sleep for endless hours when focused on an artistic endeavor. But it's not them. It's the house...no place left for quiet reflection, no room for large projects, not enough light. But it's not the house. It's the endless chores, the trips to lessons and meets and school events...isn't it? No, not those, either.
If I'm honest, I know where the roadblock lies. I know how to make the winds blow, again. I have chosen this path in order to pity myself. There is no other truth here but what I have made, a condition every one of us must learn to turn to advantage, overcome, or succumb to.
And now I have embarked on a new adventure, one I did not choose, initially did not want, and am only slowly coming to accept. I will be creating the third of the Greatest Records Ever RECorded By Me.
I am pregnant.
The world can look wholly different in the space of such a short time...I am hopeful that this new, tiny heart will become the impetus for my return to RECording, here. I have been on this journey before--I know what's coming, what will change, what will not. Yet no two experiences of the same event are ever alike. So I dedicate the next 32 of my 40 weeks to re-learning old lines, to creating new ones, and to sharing them with you all...
...again, by heart.