(brief explanation. After watching a documentary on teen depression, and just growing up in general, it struck a chord with me, and I wrote this.)

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so much beauty in this world, that I will never see

those things that I long for

too distant to be true.... I know that. God knows I do.

yet suffering seems to be constant

battles of the mind... inside, outside.

problems that never seem to cease.

to the point that I  fall....

I feel pointless.

Ugly.

Diseased.

too jam packed with these never ending faults

that an explosion seems unavoidable,

necessary even.

and they say to make a difference. 

to go out and change, be persistent, don't let anything hold you down

don't be shy, don't be anxious, don't worry

but I can't stop doing those things.

it's part of life... our life.... my life... as a human.

being human.

except my woes extend farther into streams, and piles of overbearing weight

that my weary dreams only lift high enough

to let me breath.

how can I stop this?

this insignificance, this complex

this obsessive and anxious nature 

that engulfs everything. 

that makes me want to disappear, to cry, to just ask '... why?'

there is no real cure

the only way... it seems... is acceptance. 

to step forward blindly until you strike something valuable

like a fountain of oil, or a cluster of gold

only greater 

will things ever fall into place?

all together so I don't have to worry

to spend each waking moment with another bug eating away

at my mind?

until that day comes

my feet are planted down

determined

to move forward, to enjoy the moments,

to just try and survive on this planet we call earth

(so small, insignificant, a dot in the universe, invisible) 

for those things we take for granted, and looked past

are often miracles we miss...