Please check out the FILMED VERSION of this script in the results below! <3
INT. ROOM. DAY.
ANGRY MAN stares moodily into the camera. He looks down and back up again. He tilts the camera down to reveal a stack of mail on the table. Angry Man beings to look though the mail, looking up at the camera periodically.
I hate mail. It’s always bills. Or wedding invitations. I hate weddings. All the happy people, and the food, and the kissing, and –
He looks away from the camera, down at his mail.
I hate kissing.
He holds up a large envelope, stares into the camera.
I hate mysterious packages. You never know what’s in them. It could be cheese, or, or, gardening tools, or, or, underwear.
He sets the envelope down.
I hate underwear.
He holds up a bill.
I hate the shape of business envelopes. It’s like they’re a difference size than normal envelopes because they think they’re better than other envelopes.
Angry Man glares at the envelope.
I hate pretentiousness. I hate snobs, and narcissists, and, and…narwhals. I hate narwhals.
He puts down the envelope, glares down at the mail.
I hate things that look the same. I hate twins. I hate triplets. Hate quadruplets. I hate… quadraphonics. And audiophonics. And audiovisuals, and visual aids, and –
He stares into the camera.
I hate blind people. And sick people. People who jaywalk. And garbage men. And policemen. And mailmen. Mailwomen. Mail…people. I hate people who make up words and force other people to use them. Hate forcefulness.
He looks away from the camera for a second, looks back.
I hate the sound of an envelope opening. I hate stamps. I hate licking stamps. Hate putting them on an envelope and pressing down on them to make them stick. Hate…mailboxes. Mail trucks. Fire trucks. Hate fire. I hate the sound of coals being poked with a stick. Hate trees. Hate leaves.
Angry Man glares into the camera for a few seconds in silence.
I hate…energy saving light bulbs.
He looks away.
CUT TO BLACK.
It's not as good as the original, but I had a ton of fun writing it. Hope you like it, McEvoy.
Angry Man should have his own show. <3