Twenty-Five Reasons I (seldelaterre) Am a Little Bit of a Dick:

 

25. I have a speech impediment. It’s a mix between a stammer and what is called a block, a complete shutdown of the vocal chords that happens at weird times. Both problems go away when I’m comfortable with the person I’m speaking with, which means it’s likely psychosomatic. Cute, right?

Reason this makes me a dick: I reserve the right to rip the head off of anyone who tries to finish my sentence or tell me what word I’m supposed to be reading.

 

24. While we’re talking about my brain, I have a neurological disorder called synesthesia, which means that two or more of the senses are connected in funky ways. It’s fairly common in the general population (John Mayer has it, he sees colors when he hears sounds and there’s another form of it where people see each letter of the alphabet as a different color all the time RAINBOW ESSAYS YAY), but my form is comparatively rare. I taste sounds. Certain sounds, and the sounds are pretty much random, make me taste things. The French language tastes of vanilla, German of lemon-scented air freshener (eck). The word “phonograph” tastes like chocolate, so on and so forth.

Reason this makes me a dick: If someone is listening to music that disagrees with me or if there’s a noise that makes a bad taste in my mouth I WILL go brain-diva and force someone to make it stop. It’s neurology, have a heart!

 

23. I have poisonous blood. I can’t give blood transfusions or mix my blood with anyone else (because that’s what I wish I could be doing on a Friday night, you know), their spinal cord...

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  • Xray2
    Funny.
    <3
    Apr 01, 2013
  • 326290_10150556217350687_763792886_o
    Spider Rambo. Just Yes.
    Feb 25, 2012
    by paynec
  • Hellolindsayyyyyy-1584576
    Haha this shitfuckery was fun to read! <3
    Feb 13, 2011
  • Sinnamin-987739
    I want to taste words.
    Feb 13, 2011
    by AeB
  • Sinnamin-987739
    Or sounds, I guess. Either one, really.
    Feb 13, 2011
    by AeB
  • Tweet
    - Perhaps we should never, ever meet. I have awful shoes just because I have wide feet and it makes shoe shopping so awful for me. Not that I like shopping in the first place (I would honestly rather wear holes that are mostly holes), but shoes are worse.

    On the internet, you can't see my shoes.

    - Everyone used to think I had synesthesia when I was little because I would refer to people as being grouped by color, until everyone realized how easily I was influenced by what colors people wore. There goes that theory.

    - Poison - is that a BPAL scent, by any chance?

    - Lord Alfred Douglas may have been a douche, but man, he was a hot douche. Well done, Oscar Wilde.

    (And to answer your question on my version of this - yes, many moons ago, I did play that game. I actually go to a site - escapegames24.com - every day to see what new ones have come out, so I can barely keep them all straight. I am that addicted. Also, how am I supposed to get things done if I don't have the dangly carrot of an escape-the-room game waiting for me?!)
    Feb 13, 2011
  • Fredwatford-1411949
    Poison is not a BPAL scent, I don't know what lab it comes from. My mom wears it when she gets all fancy and goes to parties, so it reminds me of her when I wear it. Alfred Douglas was a stone cold fox, I agree- his dad way batshit though. Totally batshit.

    And AeB, is sounds wonderfully creative ad whimsical, like a quirk from a girl in an indie movie who has blunt bangs and a hilariously ill-behaved pomeranian but it ostly involves me biting the inside of my cheek, trying not to gag like a spaz when people with dissonant voices speak up in class, or constantly eating something/sucking on mints/blocking out real world sounds with music. I won't say it's not fun sometimes (making playlists feels like cooking for me) but it's not something I would wish on someone.

    It did, however, get me a date with a gorgeous geek of a behavioral psychologist one time. Who knew that "want to come to my lab for a PET scan?" could be an effective way to get my phone number?

    (Hint: it's not.)
    Feb 14, 2011
  • 1918_54565983899_3607_n
    i actually quite enjoyed reading this, what does that make me?!?!?!
    Feb 15, 2011
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    Ajax-big