Twenty-Five Reasons I (seldelaterre) Am a Little Bit of a Dick:
25. I have a speech impediment. It’s a mix between a stammer and what is called a block, a complete shutdown of the vocal chords that happens at weird times. Both problems go away when I’m comfortable with the person I’m speaking with, which means it’s likely psychosomatic. Cute, right?
Reason this makes me a dick: I reserve the right to rip the head off of anyone who tries to finish my sentence or tell me what word I’m supposed to be reading.
24. While we’re talking about my brain, I have a neurological disorder called synesthesia, which means that two or more of the senses are connected in funky ways. It’s fairly common in the general population (John Mayer has it, he sees colors when he hears sounds and there’s another form of it where people see each letter of the alphabet as a different color all the time RAINBOW ESSAYS YAY), but my form is comparatively rare. I taste sounds. Certain sounds, and the sounds are pretty much random, make me taste things. The French language tastes of vanilla, German of lemon-scented air freshener (eck). The word “phonograph” tastes like chocolate, so on and so forth.
Reason this makes me a dick: If someone is listening to music that disagrees with me or if there’s a noise that makes a bad taste in my mouth I WILL go brain-diva and force someone to make it stop. It’s neurology, have a heart!
23. I have poisonous blood. I can’t give blood transfusions or mix my blood with anyone else (because that’s what I wish I could be doing on a Friday night, you know), their spinal cord...