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"When one door closes, another one opens."


Really? How about when ten different doors slam in your face and you're left standing in an empty hallway with nothing but your self-doubt? Suffocating nothingness that only serves to damage your calm even further than the resounding click of locks, keeping you out of all those missed opportunities. There are only so many times you can hear the words 'life goes on' before you stop believing them, convincing yourself that no, it really can't get worse than this, and no, there is no way back up when you've reached rock bottom.


Yeah, I remember loss. I remember how empty I felt after you said goodbye without any emotion, how cold every part of me turned when they told me to hand in the keys, how that thing I sometimes call my soul got crushed with the news that he was gone without any kind of warning. Loss after loss after loss.


It's like having the ground ripped out from underneath you, a crowd of people watching as you trip and fall and fall and fall with nothing to reach out for, nobody there to catch you at the bottom. You wouldn't want anyone down there anyway, nobody deserves that. It's not like they would understand. Nobody could possibly understand that pain, and we're all better off that way.


Loss is different, for everyone. It can punch you square in the chest, or slap you hard across the face. You can dread it for days, weeks, months before it actually happens, or it can completely take you by surprise. It can make you feel angry, or sad, or pathetic, or hopeless, or helpless, or defeated, or jaded, or all of those things rolled into one overwhelming emotion that can't be explained in words. We all know loss, and as such, we all know that it takes much more than someone 'understanding' to make the pain go away.


But I also remember hope. Those little golden things left in your life that eventually start to shine again, through the disgustingly thick muck you've managed to bury yourself under while you tried to figure out how it all went wrong so fast. The things that make you smile, despite the fact that you're so sure that nothing is worth your attention anymore. Your own self-respect and pride that finally decide it's about fucking time you pull yourself together, because the world's still spinning no matter how hard you tried to believe it skidded to a hault the same time you did.


And then there are the new discoveries that you come across; the things you find when you're driving around trying to block out the reminders of what you no longer have. Maybe a new friendship, or a new hobby, or both! Like finding bonds with new people, formed by the shared passion for hitting the big red RECord button. You know, just as an example. Something new and perfect and perfect and wonderfully distracting from whatever it was that had you so goddamn depressed just months before. What was it again?


It's exactly what you've needed all along to help you shake off the remaining pieces of your crumbled past in order to move onto that fucking awesome future that's right in front of you, but couldn't see it until that very moment.


Yeah, that's hope.

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