ACT II Scene 7 Fan!
SCENE 7
The Dressing Room from The Masquerade Ball has been redesigned and redecorated, and is rolled out again for this scene as the Green Room – it has windows and an outside view. The door has been relocated to the upstage side of the room rather than the side. A Scrim or mid -stage sub-curtain closes or comes down as soon as Joe, Chelsea, and Rhonda are clear of it. It closes off our view of the rest of the stage and covers the set change going on behind it. On the opposite side of the stage – off stage and out of view for now, ready to be rolled out when the time comes, is an FBI office. Also, this office could be set up in a different section of the theater – like the back. It could also be a plain desk and phone on a plain stage lit up by an overhead tight spot. This set is necessary in order for the audience to experience what the FBI agent is saying to Rhonda while she is still in the same room as Joe and Chelsea because Joe and Chelsea will not hear this part of the conversation. Joe, Chelsea, and Rhonda enter the Green Room together and close the door, going over to the food and beverage table.
JOE
Well that’s the last official gig - at least until our Asian tour in two weeks. I don’t know about you two, but I’m kind of ready for a break!
RHONDA
I could do this forever – I’m not ready for it to end yet!
CHELSEA
It’s been fun, but I’m ready for a break too – even if it is for only two weeks. It’ll give me time to decide what I’m going to do next semester.
__page 93__
JOE
Yeah – you’ve got a tough choice to make for sure. I was talking to your agent a couple of days ago – when we were in Seattle – and he has all sorts of auditions lined up for you.
CHELSEA
That’s true, but Julliard offered me a full scholarship as well. It would be pretty tough to pass that up, so I have some serious thinking to do. My parents want me to get my education, and I’m sort of leaning in that direction myself right now. Show Business will still be there when I’m done with that, but to miss out getting a part in a movie that could be a blockbuster all because I was going to school? I tell you Joe – I just don’t know.
JOE
Well, I know you’ll make the decision that’s best for you – and who could ask you to do more than that? Rhonda – your agent told me he has you booked for studio time during our break. Are you psyched up for that?
RHONDA
(Worry and fear show on her face, but she covers that up quickly.)
Oh yeah I am. I’ve been going over the songs they have chosen for me everyday, thinking about it for the past two weeks.
(Worry creeps back into her face, and she has a little trouble in totally getting rid of it, but tries awfully hard to cover up her distress.)
It’s a good thing that all I had to do was imitate Ashley Simpson on this tour – otherwise my voice wouldn’t be rested for the studio.
(Her cell phone rings and she delays answering it with a look of, “who could be calling me now?”)
JOE
Yeah – that’s a good thing. You’d probably better get that. Chelsea, have you spoken to your evil roommates back in England since you’ve been on this tour?
__page 94__
CHELSEA and JOE
(Walk over to the couch and sit down as they pantomime having an enjoyable conversation.)
RHONDA
Hello?
Lights come up on set of FBI Office.
AGENT DONALDSON
Hi, is this Rhonda Henry?
RHONDA
Yes, who is this?
AGENT DONALDSON
My name is James Donaldson. I’m an agent with the Federal Bureau of Investigation. I’d like to meet with you and have a conversation about Sarah Cohn – do you know her?
RHONDA
Sarah? Cohn? Not sure I’ve ever heard of her.
AGENT DONALDSON
You’re not sure about that? Pretty young girl who sang beautifully? Well, our records indicate you did have some contact with her, so we would like to meet with you and discuss that contact. I have some agents downstairs at the studio where you are right now clearing through security. They should be up to talk with you in the green room in a few minutes. Shouldn’t take long. Just relax and answer their questions when they get there. Okay?
RHONDA
(Has grown increasingly uncomfortable and nervous during this call.)
I’ll be right here.
__page 95__
AGENT DONALDSON
Thank you Ms. Henry, bye for now.
RHONDA
Bye.
Lights cut to black over FBI Office as Agent Donaldson hangs up the phone.
JOE
Are you okay Rhonda? Who was that? You look a little shaken.
RHONDA
(Walks over to her handbag and picks it up. Does, indeed, look quite upset and skittish as she squeezes it and holds it tightly to her body.)
Simultaneously there is a loud knock at the door. The following happens fast until the uncomfortable silence – rapid fire.
JOE
(Starts to get up to go to the door.)
RHONDA
Don’t let them in.
JOE
(Is standing now, and takes a step towards the door.)
Well, shouldn’t we see who it is before we tell them to stay out?
RHONDA
(Reaches into handbag, pulls out her gun, and then drops the handbag, pointing the gun at Joe.)
Stay where you are. Sit back down.
__page 96__
JOE
(Eyes get big, holds out hands in surrender and as if to say, “Don’t shoot me.” Sits back down slowly.)
There is another knock at the door.
AGENT COOPER
(Unseen, behind door.)
Ms. Henry? We know you’re in there – we have a few questions to ask you. Agent Donaldson should have called already telling you we were coming. May we come in?
RHONDA
Only if you want a face full of lead! Try to come in here and the big movie star gets it! And this little bitch Chelsea too!
AGENT COOPER
Ms. Henry – Rhonda? Please don’t do anything rash. I’m sure we can talk about this and come to some rational solution. Nobody has to get hurt.
RHONDA
Shut up! Are you saying I’m not rational? Am I not the one who brought this great song to hitRECord? Did I not just make it through a whole month of faking my way through singing that song on national TV, putting up with this retard of a dancer the whole trip? Do I not have one of the biggest and most historically spectacular hit songs ever written currently on the charts? Don’t call me irrational!
AGENT COOPER
No one’s saying you’re irrational Rhonda. Let’s talk about this. Let’s calm down and…
RHONDA
(Fires a shot through the upper part of the upper half of the door – the loudness of the shot hurts her ears so she cringes and shrugs in reaction.)
__page 97__
JOE and CHELSEA
(Both jump at the sound and make an effort to sink lower in the couch, covering up their heads.)
RHONDA
I said shut up! You need to quit telling me what to do. I swear if you don’t stop talking to me, I’ll kill the dancer. Get away from her Joe. I’ll do it. So back off!
Chelsea had reacted with fear for her life when Rhonda threatened to kill her, and Joe had made an effort to move closer to her to provide comfort, but was stopped. All is quiet as Rhonda stands there for an uncomfortably long time holding the pistol in weaver stance pointed at the door. She looks as if she has done this before. Finally, the silence is broken by the ring of her cell phone.
RHONDA
(Keeps the gun in her right hand alternatively waving it around between the door and Chelsea while she pulls out the cell phone and checks the caller ID. She chooses to answer it.)
Hello?
Lights come back up over the FBI Office
AGENT DONALDSON
Thanks for answering your phone Rhonda. What are your demands?
RHONDA
So, you’re asking me what I want now? First I want you to get those men of yours away from that door, and I don’t want anyone coming close to it.
AGENT DONALDSON
I’ve already had them back off Rhonda. What else would you like me to do for you?
RHONDA
I haven’t decided yet – call me back in 30 minutes and I’ll let you know then.
__page 98__
AGENT DONALDSON
Can I call you back in 10 minutes instead?
RHONDA
Oh alright, call me back in 10 minutes, I’ll have thought of something by then, but I’ll probably need you to call me back after that while I think some more.
(Hangs up phone.)
Lights go to black over FBI office.
JOE
What’s going on Rhonda? Why are you doing this?
RHONDA
Oh Joe! I’m so sorry you have to go through this. I never wanted to do anything that might hurt you. I LOVE you – I always have!
JOE
If you love me, why not let both me and Chelsea go, and talk to the police yourself?
RHONDA
If only it was that simple! This is big, Joe.
Cue Music: Nothing Big Maybe Nothing (re-reprise) ♫
http://www.hitrecord.org/records/196703
This version of the song is meant to be funny as much as it is freaky / scary. This should relieve a little of the tension that has been building up. Actors should ad lib gestures, expressions, glances and other actions to make it as creepy and as humorous as possible.
__page 99__
JOE
(Speaking.)
I’m sure we can work it out. If you really love me, and I believe you when you say you do, then nothing’s too hard to get through…
(Holding hands up in a gesture meant to calm. Singing.)
Nothing big
Nothing grand
Nothing useful
Nothing planned
RHONDA
(Singing out of key – mostly talking.)
Maybe nervous
Maybe calm
Maybe nothing
Maybe all
Maybe crazy
Maybe sane
Does it matter either way?
(Moves in closer to Joe – rustling his hair, caressing his cheek, rubbing his chest, and finally resting comfortably in his lap with her head on his shoulder, but still with a wary eye on Chelsea.)
Would you love me in the night?
Would you keep me satisfied?
Would you love me in the night?
Would you keep me satisfied?
JOE
(Stands up so as to get her out of his lap and off of him in general, gently pushing her back through the next few lines then holding his hands up again in the same calming gesture.)
Nothing smart, or at least not very
Nothing revolutionary
Nothing urgent
Nothing hot
Maybe quiet
__page 100__
JOE
(Cont.)
Maybe not
RHONDA
(Moves back into Joe while still keeping the gun pointed at and a cautious eye on, Chelsea. She’s all over him by the end of the duet part.)
Maybe hate me
Maybe don’t
Would you tell me?
What they want
Maybe lovers
Maybe friends
Maybe nothing in the end
(Spoken.)
Sing with me
RHONDA AND JOE
(Rhonda trying to get closer and closer; Joe trying to get away without making her any more crazy than she already is, singing in duet.)
Would you love me in the night?
Would you keep me satisfied?
Would you love me in the night?
Would you keep me satisfied?
JOE
(Escapes from her grasp and is back to using a calming hand gesture to sing the next lines.)
Nothing hard
Nothing wet
Nothing naked, well not yet
Nothing witty
Nothing wise
No big deal
No first prize
__page 101__
JOE and RHONDA
(Continue to ad lib expressions, gestures, actions and inflection.)
JOE RHONDA
Nothing solemn Maybe nervous
Nothing set Maybe calm
Nothing much to give or get Maybe something, Maybe all
Nothing now but me and you Nothing more, thanks, that’ll do
RHONDA
He’s calling back soon. I need to make demands when he does. What to ask for? What, What?
(Reaches into purse and pulls out a pen and a pad then starts to write, staying focused at the same time on keeping the gun pointed at Chelsea and Joe.)
Yeah – that’s a good one. Hmm… Okay, I’ll ask for that too. What else, what else? Okay – that makes sense. And…
Rhonda’s cell phone rings. Lights come up over the FBI office as she answers it.
Hello?
AGENT DONALDSON
Hi Rhonda, It’s me – Agent Donaldson again. Do you have any demands so I can start working on them?
RHONDA
Yes I do. I want a helicopter on the top of this building to take me out of here. I’ll need half a million dollars in cash too – and don’t tell me that’s too much. Also bring me a dozen fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches cut in the shape of Joe.
__page 102__
AGENT DONALDSON
(Has been writing down each of her demands.)
The helicopter and cash are going to take some time, but I’ll see what I can do about getting those sandwiches to you within the next 30 minutes.
RHONDA
That’s right – you better not take too much time either. You’ve got 2 hours to get me the cash and the helicopter or the girl gets it – you hear?
AGENT DONALDSON
I’ll do my best. Is that all the demands you have?
RHONDA
For now. I’ll probably have a few more later like I told you. I’ll let you know when I get those fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches.
(Hangs up the phone.)
Lights go to black over FBI office.
CHELSEA
I thought we were friends, Rhonda. Why do you keep threatening to kill me?
RHONDA
You’re so naïve little girl. You think we’re friends only because I made you think that. I’ve hated you since the day we met at the Masquerade Ball. So young… so pretty… so talented – and so stupid. I had you eating out of the palm of my hand this whole time!
CHELSEA
(Breaks out into tears, sobbing inconsolably.)
RHONDA
Oh shut up you bawlin’ brat. Grow up already! Shit – it’s too bad I couldn’t figure out a way to replace you the same way I replaced Sarah Cohn.
__page 103__
JOE
Sarah Cohn? Who’s she?
Cue Music: Fraud ♫
http://www.hitrecord.org/records/260205
RHONDA
She’s the reason we all went on tour for the last month! Sarah Cohn is the reason all three of us are trapped in here by the Feds. Might as well tell you – nothing to hide now. Let me take you back to about a year ago.
(Singing – in as much as she is capable of singing, that is.)
It’s a cold winter’s evening
With coats, gloves, and scarves we’re still freezing
So we stop into a diner
And she is oh such a whiner
Dear poor cold Sarah Cohn
Now she tells me a story
About how she’s headed for glory
And that her past was behind her
Oliver Kanes was a cheater
Dear poor scorned Sarah Cohn
And we had ourselves a wonderful time
Talking all about her plans
Her beautiful song would bring her fortune and fame
And lots and lots of fans
So I ask her to tell me
Sarah, why are you happy
Oliver Kanes has just dumped you
You should be feeling blue
Dear poor sad Sarah Cohn
So now she tells me about her attic
And how she was no longer a suspect
The police had cleared her name
And now she could go on to her fame.
Dear poor free Sarah Cohn
And we had ourselves a wonderful time
Talking all about her plans
Her beautiful song would bring her fortune and fame
And lots and lots of fans
Now she gives me a demo
Asks me to keep her tale on the down low
I promise to not say a word
About anything that I’d heard
__page 104__
RHONDA
(Cont.)
Dear poor scared Sarah Cohn
I ask her to follow me while walking
Home and she is still just a talking
When I chopped her up with my machete
Her eyes lie next to her fiancé’s
Dear poor dead Sarah Cohn
And I had myself a wonderful time
Thinking all about my plans
Her beautiful song would bring me fortune and fame
And lots and lots of fans
And I’ve had myself such a wonderful time
On the road carrying out my plans
Her beautiful song has brought me fortune and fame
And lots and lots of fans
And I had great big plans
Till the FBI called my hand
And here I make my stand
There is a knock at the door right at the end of the song.
RHONDA
(Raising her gun and pointing it at the door.)
I thought I told you Feds to keep away from that door!
(Her cell phone rings and she answers it.)
I thought you told me you backed them off – why is someone at the door?
Lights come up over the FBI office.
AGENT DONALDSON
It’s not one of my guys – it’s Joe’s chauffer with the sandwiches you demanded. We got the chauffer to volunteer because we thought it would be less threatening to you. Please, promise that once the sandwiches are delivered you’ll allow the chauffer to leave, deal?
__page 105__
RHONDA
Yeah, sure – I don’t want anyone else in here anyway!
(Hangs up the phone, puts it away, and walks slowly to the door.)
You had better be alone when I open this door or you and anyone with you gets it right between the eyeballs.
(Unlocks the door, and then steps back, pointing the gun at the door again.)
Okay, open the door slowly.
CONSUELA
(Opens door slowly. Stands there in full chauffeur gear complete with hat, dark sunglasses, and high collared long coat, so she is still unrecognizable as Consuela. Holds a platter upon which sit a dozen fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches in the shape of Joe. The platter is shaking, demonstrating that she is nervous. Deepens voice when speaking.)
Just let me put these down over there on the table and get out of here – I don’t want no trouble.
RHONDA
(Recognizes the chauffer and lowers her weapon slightly, relaxing her defensive posture as well.)
Fine, fine. Just put them down over there and leave.
CONSUELA
(The platter is still shaking. Drops platter when passing Rhonda, and bends down to pick it up.)
RHONDA
(Looks down and bends over as the platter falls noisily to the floor.)
__page 106__
CONSUELA
(Seeing Rhonda look down and bend over, meets her chin with a right uppercut as she stands followed immediately by a right elbow to the solar plexus as she uses her left arm to take hold of Rhonda’s right wrist, then her right arm to lock Rhonda’s upper right arm while simultaneously using her left leg to perform an outside leg sweep against Rhonda’s right leg bringing Rhonda to the floor – freeing the gun from Rhonda’s grip in the process and landing with her right knee in Rhonda’s gut. As an afterward to this, she reaches back with her right fist and power punches Rhonda across the jaw, knocking her out.)
CHELSEA
Is that you Consuela?
JOE
Hell yeah it’s Consuela! Thank goodness – I was worried what might have happened if somebody with less experience like one of those FBI agents had attempted to rescue us.
CONSUELA
Are you alright Mr. Gordon-Levitt? Ms. Wittingham?
CHELSEA
Just scared and shaken up a little, but not harmed.
(Looks back and forth from Rhonda and Consuela, perplexed.)
How were you able to…? What just happened here? I’m totally mystified!
JOE
I’m fine Consuela. Signal the police to come get Rhonda. Chelsea, if you promise not to tell anyone, I’ll let you in on a little secret. Well, actually it’s a huge secret, so please don’t tell anyone. Consuela has been my body guard since I was 11 years old. She came to us with 15 years of CIA and Secret Service experience. I had a scary incident way back then which caused my parents to hire one. They wanted one that blended in – you know – didn’t stand out in a crowd so as not to draw attention like it might if I had some kind of posse always following me around? So Consuela’s been my driver, nanny, nurse, personal assistant, cleaning woman, cameraman, mixing master, cook… well, she’s been a lot to me ever since – and I wouldn’t trade her for the world!
__page 107__
CHELSEA
I never would have guessed!
RHONDA
(Wakes up and notices nobody is paying attention to her, and slowly starts to reach for the gun which is only a foot away from her hand.)
CONSUELA
(Hanging up the cell phone, looks at Joe and smiles.)
They’re right down the hall.
JOE
Thanks Consuela – for everything. That’s the point Chelsea. Nobody is supposed to be able to guess, and nobody until now has ever needed to know about it. So… look out Chelsea!
RHONDA
(Has made it to her feet and even though very groggy now points the gun at Chelsea and pulls the trigger.)
CONSUELA
(Simultaneously, retrieves her own pistol from her holster and jumps to place herself between Rhonda and Chelsea, pulling the trigger in midair just as she crosses in front of Chelsea on her way to the floor.)
The sound of two shots fired almost simultaneously ring out as the lights cut to black. Lighting effects should completely block the movement of the actors as they make their way off stage from the audience.
______________________
I realized just now that I had not RECorded this exciting scene as a separte RECord - to read the entire book, download and unzip it here:
http://www.hitrecord.org/records/260770
There is also a link to 5+hours of writer's commentary available at that link.
PLEASE comment on this scene and all the other scenes - your input - even your critique - now - will save this from a bad review on opening night on Broadway! I have tough skin and realize re-writes are necessary - so open up with both barrels - don't be afraid of hurting my feelings. As long as your comments are constructive criticism, we'll make this into a Tony winning show!
The Dressing Room from The Masquerade Ball has been redesigned and redecorated, and is rolled out again for this scene as the Green Room – it has windows and an outside view. The door has been relocated to the upstage side of the room rather than the side. A Scrim or mid -stage sub-curtain closes or comes down as soon as Joe, Chelsea, and Rhonda are clear of it. It closes off our view of the rest of the stage and covers the set change going on behind it. On the opposite side of the stage – off stage and out of view for now, ready to be rolled out when the time comes, is an FBI office. Also, this office could be set up in a different section of the theater – like the back. It could also be a plain desk and phone on a plain stage lit up by an overhead tight spot. This set is necessary in order for the audience to experience what the FBI agent is saying to Rhonda while she is still in the same room as Joe and Chelsea because Joe and Chelsea will not hear this part of the conversation. Joe, Chelsea, and Rhonda enter the Green Room together and close the door, going over to the food and beverage table.
JOE
Well that’s the last official gig - at least until our Asian tour in two weeks. I don’t know about you two, but I’m kind of ready for a break!
RHONDA
I could do this forever – I’m not ready for it to end yet!
CHELSEA
It’s been fun, but I’m ready for a break too – even if it is for only two weeks. It’ll give me time to decide what I’m going to do next semester.
__page 93__
JOE
Yeah – you’ve got a tough choice to make for sure. I was talking to your agent a couple of days ago – when we were in Seattle – and he has all sorts of auditions lined up for you.
CHELSEA
That’s true, but Julliard offered me a full scholarship as well. It would be pretty tough to pass that up, so I have some serious thinking to do. My parents want me to get my education, and I’m sort of leaning in that direction myself right now. Show Business will still be there when I’m done with that, but to miss out getting a part in a movie that could be a blockbuster all because I was going to school? I tell you Joe – I just don’t know.
JOE
Well, I know you’ll make the decision that’s best for you – and who could ask you to do more than that? Rhonda – your agent told me he has you booked for studio time during our break. Are you psyched up for that?
RHONDA
(Worry and fear show on her face, but she covers that up quickly.)
Oh yeah I am. I’ve been going over the songs they have chosen for me everyday, thinking about it for the past two weeks.
(Worry creeps back into her face, and she has a little trouble in totally getting rid of it, but tries awfully hard to cover up her distress.)
It’s a good thing that all I had to do was imitate Ashley Simpson on this tour – otherwise my voice wouldn’t be rested for the studio.
(Her cell phone rings and she delays answering it with a look of, “who could be calling me now?”)
JOE
Yeah – that’s a good thing. You’d probably better get that. Chelsea, have you spoken to your evil roommates back in England since you’ve been on this tour?
__page 94__
CHELSEA and JOE
(Walk over to the couch and sit down as they pantomime having an enjoyable conversation.)
RHONDA
Hello?
Lights come up on set of FBI Office.
AGENT DONALDSON
Hi, is this Rhonda Henry?
RHONDA
Yes, who is this?
AGENT DONALDSON
My name is James Donaldson. I’m an agent with the Federal Bureau of Investigation. I’d like to meet with you and have a conversation about Sarah Cohn – do you know her?
RHONDA
Sarah? Cohn? Not sure I’ve ever heard of her.
AGENT DONALDSON
You’re not sure about that? Pretty young girl who sang beautifully? Well, our records indicate you did have some contact with her, so we would like to meet with you and discuss that contact. I have some agents downstairs at the studio where you are right now clearing through security. They should be up to talk with you in the green room in a few minutes. Shouldn’t take long. Just relax and answer their questions when they get there. Okay?
RHONDA
(Has grown increasingly uncomfortable and nervous during this call.)
I’ll be right here.
__page 95__
AGENT DONALDSON
Thank you Ms. Henry, bye for now.
RHONDA
Bye.
Lights cut to black over FBI Office as Agent Donaldson hangs up the phone.
JOE
Are you okay Rhonda? Who was that? You look a little shaken.
RHONDA
(Walks over to her handbag and picks it up. Does, indeed, look quite upset and skittish as she squeezes it and holds it tightly to her body.)
Simultaneously there is a loud knock at the door. The following happens fast until the uncomfortable silence – rapid fire.
JOE
(Starts to get up to go to the door.)
RHONDA
Don’t let them in.
JOE
(Is standing now, and takes a step towards the door.)
Well, shouldn’t we see who it is before we tell them to stay out?
RHONDA
(Reaches into handbag, pulls out her gun, and then drops the handbag, pointing the gun at Joe.)
Stay where you are. Sit back down.
__page 96__
JOE
(Eyes get big, holds out hands in surrender and as if to say, “Don’t shoot me.” Sits back down slowly.)
There is another knock at the door.
AGENT COOPER
(Unseen, behind door.)
Ms. Henry? We know you’re in there – we have a few questions to ask you. Agent Donaldson should have called already telling you we were coming. May we come in?
RHONDA
Only if you want a face full of lead! Try to come in here and the big movie star gets it! And this little bitch Chelsea too!
AGENT COOPER
Ms. Henry – Rhonda? Please don’t do anything rash. I’m sure we can talk about this and come to some rational solution. Nobody has to get hurt.
RHONDA
Shut up! Are you saying I’m not rational? Am I not the one who brought this great song to hitRECord? Did I not just make it through a whole month of faking my way through singing that song on national TV, putting up with this retard of a dancer the whole trip? Do I not have one of the biggest and most historically spectacular hit songs ever written currently on the charts? Don’t call me irrational!
AGENT COOPER
No one’s saying you’re irrational Rhonda. Let’s talk about this. Let’s calm down and…
RHONDA
(Fires a shot through the upper part of the upper half of the door – the loudness of the shot hurts her ears so she cringes and shrugs in reaction.)
__page 97__
JOE and CHELSEA
(Both jump at the sound and make an effort to sink lower in the couch, covering up their heads.)
RHONDA
I said shut up! You need to quit telling me what to do. I swear if you don’t stop talking to me, I’ll kill the dancer. Get away from her Joe. I’ll do it. So back off!
Chelsea had reacted with fear for her life when Rhonda threatened to kill her, and Joe had made an effort to move closer to her to provide comfort, but was stopped. All is quiet as Rhonda stands there for an uncomfortably long time holding the pistol in weaver stance pointed at the door. She looks as if she has done this before. Finally, the silence is broken by the ring of her cell phone.
RHONDA
(Keeps the gun in her right hand alternatively waving it around between the door and Chelsea while she pulls out the cell phone and checks the caller ID. She chooses to answer it.)
Hello?
Lights come back up over the FBI Office
AGENT DONALDSON
Thanks for answering your phone Rhonda. What are your demands?
RHONDA
So, you’re asking me what I want now? First I want you to get those men of yours away from that door, and I don’t want anyone coming close to it.
AGENT DONALDSON
I’ve already had them back off Rhonda. What else would you like me to do for you?
RHONDA
I haven’t decided yet – call me back in 30 minutes and I’ll let you know then.
__page 98__
AGENT DONALDSON
Can I call you back in 10 minutes instead?
RHONDA
Oh alright, call me back in 10 minutes, I’ll have thought of something by then, but I’ll probably need you to call me back after that while I think some more.
(Hangs up phone.)
Lights go to black over FBI office.
JOE
What’s going on Rhonda? Why are you doing this?
RHONDA
Oh Joe! I’m so sorry you have to go through this. I never wanted to do anything that might hurt you. I LOVE you – I always have!
JOE
If you love me, why not let both me and Chelsea go, and talk to the police yourself?
RHONDA
If only it was that simple! This is big, Joe.
Cue Music: Nothing Big Maybe Nothing (re-reprise) ♫
http://www.hitrecord.org/records/196703
This version of the song is meant to be funny as much as it is freaky / scary. This should relieve a little of the tension that has been building up. Actors should ad lib gestures, expressions, glances and other actions to make it as creepy and as humorous as possible.
__page 99__
JOE
(Speaking.)
I’m sure we can work it out. If you really love me, and I believe you when you say you do, then nothing’s too hard to get through…
(Holding hands up in a gesture meant to calm. Singing.)
Nothing big
Nothing grand
Nothing useful
Nothing planned
RHONDA
(Singing out of key – mostly talking.)
Maybe nervous
Maybe calm
Maybe nothing
Maybe all
Maybe crazy
Maybe sane
Does it matter either way?
(Moves in closer to Joe – rustling his hair, caressing his cheek, rubbing his chest, and finally resting comfortably in his lap with her head on his shoulder, but still with a wary eye on Chelsea.)
Would you love me in the night?
Would you keep me satisfied?
Would you love me in the night?
Would you keep me satisfied?
JOE
(Stands up so as to get her out of his lap and off of him in general, gently pushing her back through the next few lines then holding his hands up again in the same calming gesture.)
Nothing smart, or at least not very
Nothing revolutionary
Nothing urgent
Nothing hot
Maybe quiet
__page 100__
JOE
(Cont.)
Maybe not
RHONDA
(Moves back into Joe while still keeping the gun pointed at and a cautious eye on, Chelsea. She’s all over him by the end of the duet part.)
Maybe hate me
Maybe don’t
Would you tell me?
What they want
Maybe lovers
Maybe friends
Maybe nothing in the end
(Spoken.)
Sing with me
RHONDA AND JOE
(Rhonda trying to get closer and closer; Joe trying to get away without making her any more crazy than she already is, singing in duet.)
Would you love me in the night?
Would you keep me satisfied?
Would you love me in the night?
Would you keep me satisfied?
JOE
(Escapes from her grasp and is back to using a calming hand gesture to sing the next lines.)
Nothing hard
Nothing wet
Nothing naked, well not yet
Nothing witty
Nothing wise
No big deal
No first prize
__page 101__
JOE and RHONDA
(Continue to ad lib expressions, gestures, actions and inflection.)
JOE RHONDA
Nothing solemn Maybe nervous
Nothing set Maybe calm
Nothing much to give or get Maybe something, Maybe all
Nothing now but me and you Nothing more, thanks, that’ll do
RHONDA
He’s calling back soon. I need to make demands when he does. What to ask for? What, What?
(Reaches into purse and pulls out a pen and a pad then starts to write, staying focused at the same time on keeping the gun pointed at Chelsea and Joe.)
Yeah – that’s a good one. Hmm… Okay, I’ll ask for that too. What else, what else? Okay – that makes sense. And…
Rhonda’s cell phone rings. Lights come up over the FBI office as she answers it.
Hello?
AGENT DONALDSON
Hi Rhonda, It’s me – Agent Donaldson again. Do you have any demands so I can start working on them?
RHONDA
Yes I do. I want a helicopter on the top of this building to take me out of here. I’ll need half a million dollars in cash too – and don’t tell me that’s too much. Also bring me a dozen fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches cut in the shape of Joe.
__page 102__
AGENT DONALDSON
(Has been writing down each of her demands.)
The helicopter and cash are going to take some time, but I’ll see what I can do about getting those sandwiches to you within the next 30 minutes.
RHONDA
That’s right – you better not take too much time either. You’ve got 2 hours to get me the cash and the helicopter or the girl gets it – you hear?
AGENT DONALDSON
I’ll do my best. Is that all the demands you have?
RHONDA
For now. I’ll probably have a few more later like I told you. I’ll let you know when I get those fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches.
(Hangs up the phone.)
Lights go to black over FBI office.
CHELSEA
I thought we were friends, Rhonda. Why do you keep threatening to kill me?
RHONDA
You’re so naïve little girl. You think we’re friends only because I made you think that. I’ve hated you since the day we met at the Masquerade Ball. So young… so pretty… so talented – and so stupid. I had you eating out of the palm of my hand this whole time!
CHELSEA
(Breaks out into tears, sobbing inconsolably.)
RHONDA
Oh shut up you bawlin’ brat. Grow up already! Shit – it’s too bad I couldn’t figure out a way to replace you the same way I replaced Sarah Cohn.
__page 103__
JOE
Sarah Cohn? Who’s she?
Cue Music: Fraud ♫
http://www.hitrecord.org/records/260205
RHONDA
She’s the reason we all went on tour for the last month! Sarah Cohn is the reason all three of us are trapped in here by the Feds. Might as well tell you – nothing to hide now. Let me take you back to about a year ago.
(Singing – in as much as she is capable of singing, that is.)
It’s a cold winter’s evening
With coats, gloves, and scarves we’re still freezing
So we stop into a diner
And she is oh such a whiner
Dear poor cold Sarah Cohn
Now she tells me a story
About how she’s headed for glory
And that her past was behind her
Oliver Kanes was a cheater
Dear poor scorned Sarah Cohn
And we had ourselves a wonderful time
Talking all about her plans
Her beautiful song would bring her fortune and fame
And lots and lots of fans
So I ask her to tell me
Sarah, why are you happy
Oliver Kanes has just dumped you
You should be feeling blue
Dear poor sad Sarah Cohn
So now she tells me about her attic
And how she was no longer a suspect
The police had cleared her name
And now she could go on to her fame.
Dear poor free Sarah Cohn
And we had ourselves a wonderful time
Talking all about her plans
Her beautiful song would bring her fortune and fame
And lots and lots of fans
Now she gives me a demo
Asks me to keep her tale on the down low
I promise to not say a word
About anything that I’d heard
__page 104__
RHONDA
(Cont.)
Dear poor scared Sarah Cohn
I ask her to follow me while walking
Home and she is still just a talking
When I chopped her up with my machete
Her eyes lie next to her fiancé’s
Dear poor dead Sarah Cohn
And I had myself a wonderful time
Thinking all about my plans
Her beautiful song would bring me fortune and fame
And lots and lots of fans
And I’ve had myself such a wonderful time
On the road carrying out my plans
Her beautiful song has brought me fortune and fame
And lots and lots of fans
And I had great big plans
Till the FBI called my hand
And here I make my stand
There is a knock at the door right at the end of the song.
RHONDA
(Raising her gun and pointing it at the door.)
I thought I told you Feds to keep away from that door!
(Her cell phone rings and she answers it.)
I thought you told me you backed them off – why is someone at the door?
Lights come up over the FBI office.
AGENT DONALDSON
It’s not one of my guys – it’s Joe’s chauffer with the sandwiches you demanded. We got the chauffer to volunteer because we thought it would be less threatening to you. Please, promise that once the sandwiches are delivered you’ll allow the chauffer to leave, deal?
__page 105__
RHONDA
Yeah, sure – I don’t want anyone else in here anyway!
(Hangs up the phone, puts it away, and walks slowly to the door.)
You had better be alone when I open this door or you and anyone with you gets it right between the eyeballs.
(Unlocks the door, and then steps back, pointing the gun at the door again.)
Okay, open the door slowly.
CONSUELA
(Opens door slowly. Stands there in full chauffeur gear complete with hat, dark sunglasses, and high collared long coat, so she is still unrecognizable as Consuela. Holds a platter upon which sit a dozen fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches in the shape of Joe. The platter is shaking, demonstrating that she is nervous. Deepens voice when speaking.)
Just let me put these down over there on the table and get out of here – I don’t want no trouble.
RHONDA
(Recognizes the chauffer and lowers her weapon slightly, relaxing her defensive posture as well.)
Fine, fine. Just put them down over there and leave.
CONSUELA
(The platter is still shaking. Drops platter when passing Rhonda, and bends down to pick it up.)
RHONDA
(Looks down and bends over as the platter falls noisily to the floor.)
__page 106__
CONSUELA
(Seeing Rhonda look down and bend over, meets her chin with a right uppercut as she stands followed immediately by a right elbow to the solar plexus as she uses her left arm to take hold of Rhonda’s right wrist, then her right arm to lock Rhonda’s upper right arm while simultaneously using her left leg to perform an outside leg sweep against Rhonda’s right leg bringing Rhonda to the floor – freeing the gun from Rhonda’s grip in the process and landing with her right knee in Rhonda’s gut. As an afterward to this, she reaches back with her right fist and power punches Rhonda across the jaw, knocking her out.)
CHELSEA
Is that you Consuela?
JOE
Hell yeah it’s Consuela! Thank goodness – I was worried what might have happened if somebody with less experience like one of those FBI agents had attempted to rescue us.
CONSUELA
Are you alright Mr. Gordon-Levitt? Ms. Wittingham?
CHELSEA
Just scared and shaken up a little, but not harmed.
(Looks back and forth from Rhonda and Consuela, perplexed.)
How were you able to…? What just happened here? I’m totally mystified!
JOE
I’m fine Consuela. Signal the police to come get Rhonda. Chelsea, if you promise not to tell anyone, I’ll let you in on a little secret. Well, actually it’s a huge secret, so please don’t tell anyone. Consuela has been my body guard since I was 11 years old. She came to us with 15 years of CIA and Secret Service experience. I had a scary incident way back then which caused my parents to hire one. They wanted one that blended in – you know – didn’t stand out in a crowd so as not to draw attention like it might if I had some kind of posse always following me around? So Consuela’s been my driver, nanny, nurse, personal assistant, cleaning woman, cameraman, mixing master, cook… well, she’s been a lot to me ever since – and I wouldn’t trade her for the world!
__page 107__
CHELSEA
I never would have guessed!
RHONDA
(Wakes up and notices nobody is paying attention to her, and slowly starts to reach for the gun which is only a foot away from her hand.)
CONSUELA
(Hanging up the cell phone, looks at Joe and smiles.)
They’re right down the hall.
JOE
Thanks Consuela – for everything. That’s the point Chelsea. Nobody is supposed to be able to guess, and nobody until now has ever needed to know about it. So… look out Chelsea!
RHONDA
(Has made it to her feet and even though very groggy now points the gun at Chelsea and pulls the trigger.)
CONSUELA
(Simultaneously, retrieves her own pistol from her holster and jumps to place herself between Rhonda and Chelsea, pulling the trigger in midair just as she crosses in front of Chelsea on her way to the floor.)
The sound of two shots fired almost simultaneously ring out as the lights cut to black. Lighting effects should completely block the movement of the actors as they make their way off stage from the audience.
______________________
I realized just now that I had not RECorded this exciting scene as a separte RECord - to read the entire book, download and unzip it here:
http://www.hitrecord.org/records/260770
There is also a link to 5+hours of writer's commentary available at that link.
PLEASE comment on this scene and all the other scenes - your input - even your critique - now - will save this from a bad review on opening night on Broadway! I have tough skin and realize re-writes are necessary - so open up with both barrels - don't be afraid of hurting my feelings. As long as your comments are constructive criticism, we'll make this into a Tony winning show!
