In response to Joe's call for one act plays for Sundance, I have decided to REMIX TotallyNotNick's earlier RECord of "The Brain Date: A Romance That's All In Your Head." Guy and Girl go out on date. Guy tries to impress Girl. But they're going out on a date inside his conscious. My version of the play is what follows, TotallyNotNick's great original is referenced below.





Window to Your World

(A BOY and a GIRL walk onto the bare stage. The BOY is noticeably nervous. He seems uncomfortable having the GIRL here. She is looking about with interest.)

BOY
So, um, this is it…

GIRL
This is it?

BOY
It’s usually, uh, a bit more active than this.

GIRL
Why is it so empty now?

BOY
(Shifts around.) I uh….

GIRL
You’re not nervous, are you?

BOY
Nervous? No, no, noooo…

(The GIRL gives the BOY a look.)

BOY
Okay, so, I’m bit nervous.

GIRL
Why?

BOY
It’s a bit weird, isn’t it?

GIRL
I think it’s awfully romantic.

BOY
You think so?

GIRL
Mmhmm. (She wanders about the stage, as if exploring a meadow.) I mean sure, read a girl a poem you wrote or sing her a song. That’s brave, but so cliché. Let her probe deep inside your head, where all of your innermost thoughts and desires can pop out at any moment? That takes balls, guy.

(Beat. Then she looks around with a start.)

GIRL
Well, hey…that seemed to do something for you!

BOY
(Nervously laughing.) Well, I really like you…

GIRL
So, show me around.

BOY
Oh…alright.

(They take a few steps. The GIRL kicks around as she walks, like there are things around her feet.)

GIRL
What’s all this?

BOY
Mostly stuff that I thought up just today. You know, little ponderings and whatnot.

GIRL
Brain farts?

BOY
I wouldn’t call them that…there’s some pretty worthwhile stuff here, I think.

(He kneels down and pantomimes picking something up.)

GIRL
What is it?

BOY
(With pride.) A thought from today. (He reads it cleverly.) “I wonder why elevators have a ‘PULL to STOP in case of EMERGENCY’ button? If anything, I think I’d want a ‘PUSH to GO FASTER and GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE in case of EMERGENCY button.’”

(The BOY laughs and looks back at the girl, hoping to share his amusement. She looks at him with confusion. His smile fades. He tosses the thought back to the ground.)

BOY
Maybe we should just get out of here…Catch a movie or something. (More to himself than anyone else.) They always say “be original, be original” but you know, playing it safe never killed anyone!

GIRL
(Walking past the BOY) What’s in that box?

BOY
(Half-listening.) What box?

(He sees where she is headed and does a double-take. Hurrying over, he grabs her arm and tries to usher her away.)

BOY
Th-that box? That box is…nothing you’d be interested in. Why don’t we just go over here…

(The GIRL is still staring at the same spot. She wriggles free from the BOY’s grasp.)

GIRL
It’s getting bigger! (Excited now.) What’s in it?


BOY
It-it’s nothing!...It’s private! I have a right to privacy! (To himself) Stop thinking about it, and it’ll go away, dammit! Stop thinking about it! Stop thinking, stop thinking…


GIRL
(Laughing.) You’re cute when you’re flustered. Look, the box wants me to open it!

(She moves to open the imaginary box.)

BOY
No, don’t!

(Too late. The GIRL pantomimes the opening of a giant box. Almost immediately, she is thrown back, as though whatever was inside has rushed out in a wild frenzy. Sitting up, she stares in shock.)

GIRL
Oh…

(The BOY is scrambling about the stage; leaping, bounding, grabbing at things and rushing to stuff them back into the imaginary box.)

BOY
(As he runs.) No, no, no, no, no, no, noo!!!

GIRL
So…much…naked…

BOY
(Still running) Oh god!!!

GIRL
(Pointing) Is that…is that me?!

BOY
(Rushing to where she’s pointed.) AAARRRRGHH!!!!

(The BOY rounds up the last of the rogue thoughts and stuffs them into the box. He wrestles with the box as we see by the shape of his hands that he is struggling to make it smaller. Finally, he pushes it across the stage and heaves it out of sight. Worn out, he walks over to where the GIRL is still sitting and collapses next to her.)

GIRL
(Amused.) So I take it those were your…

BOY
(Embarrassed.) My dirty thoughts, yes. I am really sorry you had to see that.

GIRL
No, no it’s fine. (Beat.) So was that a Japanese schoolgirl outfit I was in…or were you going for a more Catholic schoolgirl kind of thing?

BOY
Seriously, can we go now? Please?

GIRL
Oh come on, don’t be so sensitive. It’s normal for a guy your age to have…naughty thoughts of that nature.

BOY
(About to argue.) I…guess you’re right. It probably could have been worse. Usually, a naughty thought runs around in here like once every seven seconds.

(The GIRL laughs. The BOY smiles in relief. They look at each other. A beat passes. Then the GIRL notices something across the stage.)

GIRL
Hey, what’s that?

BOY
I’m almost too afraid to look.

GIRL
Is that a…treasure chest?

(The GIRL rises and starts across the stage. The BOY follows a few steps behind. On reaching the chest, the GIRL kneels down and pantomimes handling it: turning it around, looking underneath, etc.)

BOY
I’ve never seen that before.

GIRL
What do you mean you’ve never seen it? This is your head!

BOY
I honestly have no idea what’s in there…but at this point I wouldn’t be surprised if you opened it and saw me clubbing baby seals.

(The GIRL gets on her knees and opens the chest.)

GIRL
Oh my…

BOY
(Tentative.) What is it?

GIRL
It’s…beautiful.

BOY
Beautiful?

(He kneels beside the GIRL and peers into the treasure chest.)

BOY
Oh wow…I forgot about this

GIRL
What is it?

BOY
It’s something I dreamt up a long time ago. Not anything I thought would actually happen but…it’s funny it would be in such a thing as a treasure chest.

GIRL
It truly is wonderful…

BOY
(Humbled.) It’s not anything special, really…

GIRL
No, really I think it’s…(Her thought trails off.) I almost recognize it

BOY
You recognize it?

GIRL
I think….I think I thought of something like this once before.

BOY
(Somewhere in between a statement and a question.) You have.

GIRL
I mean not exactly like this. It was a slightly different shape, and around the edges it was…but, yeah…I remember thinking something a lot like this.

BOY
I thought I was crazy for the longest time.

GIRL
Well it is crazy…but it also makes perfect sense. Doesn’t it?

(The BOY and the GIRL look at each other, transfixed, each unwilling to break the gaze. A beat.)

BOY
Do you think you could…show me yours?

(The GIRL breaks from her reverie. Her playful smile is back once more.)

GIRL
You sure you’re ready to go there?

(The BOY smiles too. The GIRL rises and holds out her hand, which he takes. She pulls him to his feet and they walk together, hand in hand, across the stage and exit.)

END SCENE.