Fire in the Desert: How Dan and Teafaerie Transformed My Life
In my homage to Dan, "Prometheus Freed", I chose Prometheus, the Fire Bringer, as a metaphor for Dan, who also brought the gift of fire to us. There is a very personal story behind my choosing the Promeheus metaphor. This seemed like a good time to share that story, as the backstory is itself a tribute to Dan, and also to Teafaerie, who other than Joe was probably closer to Dan than anyone.
My connection to Dan is mostly through Tea. I met Dan, Tea, and many other wonderful people, from when all worked Ren Faire together. I met them all in Spring '03 at the big Faire in Devore, about an hour east of Hollywood, where I lived at the time, and they welcomed me into their family at Juggling Styx booth.
Styx Booth was where I first saw Dan and Tea do eye-popping, seemingly gravity-defying things twirling tasseled wooden sticks known as juggling sticks. That is also where I first experienced Dan as a warm, patient teacher. Little by little, he taught me to work those sticks, and I bought my set from Dan. They had been made in the back of the booth, by Teafaerie's hands. (No, these Medeival court jester implements are not designed to light on fire, but as you might guess, Faerie also has a special set that she made for herself that does light up - it's quite a sight.)
Like Dan, Tea has made it her personal mission in life to expand the horizons of the people she meets, to help those who want, who need, to transcend our mundane existence, and find our true path in life. And when I joined the Styx family, I was painfully shy, a lost soul in dire need of just that kind of help. Tea spotted this right off, and she took a special interest in me. We bonded right away. Across years and miles, I still love Tea with all my heart. She and Dan both rank in the top ten people who have made the greatest difference in my life.
It was Tea who convinced me that I belonged at Burning Man. She knew instinctively that it was the right medicine for what ailed me. In late summer of '04, I decided to go. And she was absolutely right, it was a life altering experience. Even more so than Ren Faire. So she, Dan and the whole group took this virgin Burner under their wing, and made me part of their camp, part of their Burner family, just as I had become Faire family. While there, they encouraged me and supported me to push my limits, and they opened me to new things, helped me learn all that I could do. They also watched over me, made sure I stayed safe in what can be a dangerous place. They changed my life forever.
Through them, I finally began to come out of my lifelong shell. I lost most of my shyness, my irrational fears of rejection and social awkwrdness. Dan was particularly an inspiration - he has always been the gentle teacher and healer, who could overcome irrational fears with confidence, reason, and simple step-by-step techniques. Much as he later did for Gweninterrupted's camera shyness.
One of the biggest humps for me was to shed a lifetime of painful body consciousness, from being teased and bullied throughout childhood, as I was "the fat kid". Even after getting rid of most of the weight, the emotional scars from the gym locker room don't just go away. Even swim trunks were too difficult for me, even wearing shorts or going shirtless. Nudity in front of friends and strangers was unthinkable. But, the makeshift showers in the desert are co-ed and don't have a lot of privacy. Off-playa, Burners love hot tubs and hot springs. In that warm, welcoming environment, I let go of childhood demons more easily than I ever expected. So, yeah, I've seen Dan and Tea and many other friends naked, and vice versa, many times. Despite all the trepidation, it was simply no big deal.
Our camp was called Prometheatrics, and it still continues each year. It is famous in Black Rock City for two things: the mind-blowing "extra-dimensional" mirror box, and world class fire spinners. The name is, of course, a combination of "Prometheus", and "theatrics". In Greek mythology Prometheus, the fire bringer, gave humans fire (and in some versions writing, mathematics, agriculture, medicine, and science as well). This gift to all mankind was an act of rebellion against the gods, an he was punished, though later freed.
So, the camp name basically means "fire show" - and what a show it was. Metaphorically, though, the name goes much deeper. Firespinners bring a gift to us all, a gift, not only of control over our environment, which fire represents, but inner peace, freedom from our irrational fears and, at last, mastery over ourselves. And their gifts are things which those in power would prefer we do not have - those who achieve self-mastery make poor slaves for the corporate masters. I myself returned from my first Burn transformed, unable to meekly accept my Dilbert-esque life in cubicle-space much longer.
I learned many, many things at that first Burn, but didn't learn to spin fire myself until the following summer, in between my first and second burn. During that year between Burns, I went to at least a dozen Burner parties, in many breathtaking desert and wilderness spots. During that year, in one of thosqe spots, I attended Teafaerie's wedding. And everywhere I went, there was the smiling face in the huge "Cat in the Hat" hat - you could not miss Dan. He was a fixture. Everywhere he went, he left that aura of calm and joy. He didn't bring magic with him, he was the magic.
The Flow Arts school that Dan and Tea founded in Los Angeles did not yet exist back then. So, I learned fire staff from Rif, a close friend of Dan and Tea, another amazing teacher who later became a fixture at Flow Arts. My fire staff, custom made by Rif, is perfectly balanced, perfect weight for me. From the moment I picked it up, it was an extension of my hand. For this, I named it "Excalibur". And after too long, I have vowed, in Dan's honor, to pick up Excalibur once more, and get into Flow once more.
There is nothing in the world like the first time you "light up" - actually dip your staff or poi in fuel and then into the darting flames, and take control of the fire. By the time they allow you to light up, you understand the tool, it's balance and momentum, and you understand the fire and it's behaviour. And you understand yourself. You are in control of the beast, and you have no fear. When you have mastered Fire and Flow and Fear, you are at last truly Free. That is the gift Dan, as a teacher, brought to people from all walks of life. Not just in firespinning, but in all of life.
It has been far too long since I've seen my Prometheatrics campmates. After my second Burn in fall of '05, my life took a very difficult turn, actually several of them. I've lost other people I love deeply since then, Dan being only the latest. I struggled with finances, and I struggled with deep depression. I withdrew into myself. I have not been able to get back to the Burn since then, though I miss my playa home deeply, and I mostly lost touch with my Prometheatrics friends, except online.
Usually, I would see my old campmates only twice a year, at Tea's birthday in November and at the camp fund raiser party in summer. But this summer I was busy moving here to Las Vegas and I missed the fundraiser party, if there even was one. And last November, Tea spent her birthday in NY with Dan and Joe, for the SNL taping. So, as bad luck would have it, I last saw Dan, Tea and the Prometheatrics crew around May '09. I always assumed I would see them again, but now I will not see Dan again - not until I too become One with the Universe.
Despite the long separation, the impressions my fellow Burners, but Tea and Dan above all, made upon me will last a lifetime. Across the years of separation, and from four hundred miles away, news of Dan's loss still hit me like a jolt. My greatest concern in this time has been for Teafaerie most of all, and also for all my other old campmates, who are much more directly and immediately hit by his loss.
I have never been the same since my adventures with them. I would not trade those times for anything - except maybe to have Dan back if we could. Only, I know Dan would not accept that trade. The many people like myself whose lives he touched are his life's legacy. He left this world far better than he found it, and i hope we can all say that when our time comes to join Dan out there in the vast cosmos.
It was through Tea and Dan's many facebook posts about hitrecord that I discovered the site. I was intrigued, because the concept of Internet based, open collaboration has long been a special interrest of mine. In mid-January I tried out hitrecord, at a particularly low point in my life. I didn't really think of myself as much of an artist - my primary interest in hitrecord was in the technical side, and in the new model of creative collaboration. My early RECords reflect that. Still, in the welcoming and supportive environment on hitrecord, I grew as an artist. This has led to me taking another step, reading my poems and stories, some originally written for hitrecord, at open mic events around Las Vegas, making new friends in a welcoming and active poetry community here.
I never really met Joe - I don't think he lived in LA back then. We were very briefly introduced once at a party, probably five or six years ago. I actually didn't know who he was back then, other than he was Dan's brother, and that was what was cool about him. To me, that's the greatest and luckiest thing he has in life, to have Dan for a brother. To this day, in my mind Joe is first and foremost "Dan's brother". And for all else he has and has become, I have to think he's pretty damned proud to be Dan's brother.
Meanwhile, I dearly wish I could see Tea and the others again. Especially now. But, I recently left LA for Las Vegas, following an opportunity to at last set my life back on track. It's still a struggle here, and LA might as well be a million miles away. One day, though, I will be back. Back to LA, at least to visit. And one day I will be back to Black Rock City, back to the Burn. And I will go to the Temple, the art installation where Burners go to leave their memories to be consumed in flame. And I will think of Dan and all the people I have lost since my last Burn, and say goodbye the Burner way.
Until then, it is time to pick up my staff once again, find practice and instruction here in Las Vegas, and get my Flow back. Both in fire spinning and in life.
And so, this is my personal tribute to both Dan and to Tea. Love to you both always. )'(
My connection to Dan is mostly through Tea. I met Dan, Tea, and many other wonderful people, from when all worked Ren Faire together. I met them all in Spring '03 at the big Faire in Devore, about an hour east of Hollywood, where I lived at the time, and they welcomed me into their family at Juggling Styx booth.
Styx Booth was where I first saw Dan and Tea do eye-popping, seemingly gravity-defying things twirling tasseled wooden sticks known as juggling sticks. That is also where I first experienced Dan as a warm, patient teacher. Little by little, he taught me to work those sticks, and I bought my set from Dan. They had been made in the back of the booth, by Teafaerie's hands. (No, these Medeival court jester implements are not designed to light on fire, but as you might guess, Faerie also has a special set that she made for herself that does light up - it's quite a sight.)
Like Dan, Tea has made it her personal mission in life to expand the horizons of the people she meets, to help those who want, who need, to transcend our mundane existence, and find our true path in life. And when I joined the Styx family, I was painfully shy, a lost soul in dire need of just that kind of help. Tea spotted this right off, and she took a special interest in me. We bonded right away. Across years and miles, I still love Tea with all my heart. She and Dan both rank in the top ten people who have made the greatest difference in my life.
It was Tea who convinced me that I belonged at Burning Man. She knew instinctively that it was the right medicine for what ailed me. In late summer of '04, I decided to go. And she was absolutely right, it was a life altering experience. Even more so than Ren Faire. So she, Dan and the whole group took this virgin Burner under their wing, and made me part of their camp, part of their Burner family, just as I had become Faire family. While there, they encouraged me and supported me to push my limits, and they opened me to new things, helped me learn all that I could do. They also watched over me, made sure I stayed safe in what can be a dangerous place. They changed my life forever.
Through them, I finally began to come out of my lifelong shell. I lost most of my shyness, my irrational fears of rejection and social awkwrdness. Dan was particularly an inspiration - he has always been the gentle teacher and healer, who could overcome irrational fears with confidence, reason, and simple step-by-step techniques. Much as he later did for Gweninterrupted's camera shyness.
One of the biggest humps for me was to shed a lifetime of painful body consciousness, from being teased and bullied throughout childhood, as I was "the fat kid". Even after getting rid of most of the weight, the emotional scars from the gym locker room don't just go away. Even swim trunks were too difficult for me, even wearing shorts or going shirtless. Nudity in front of friends and strangers was unthinkable. But, the makeshift showers in the desert are co-ed and don't have a lot of privacy. Off-playa, Burners love hot tubs and hot springs. In that warm, welcoming environment, I let go of childhood demons more easily than I ever expected. So, yeah, I've seen Dan and Tea and many other friends naked, and vice versa, many times. Despite all the trepidation, it was simply no big deal.
Our camp was called Prometheatrics, and it still continues each year. It is famous in Black Rock City for two things: the mind-blowing "extra-dimensional" mirror box, and world class fire spinners. The name is, of course, a combination of "Prometheus", and "theatrics". In Greek mythology Prometheus, the fire bringer, gave humans fire (and in some versions writing, mathematics, agriculture, medicine, and science as well). This gift to all mankind was an act of rebellion against the gods, an he was punished, though later freed.
So, the camp name basically means "fire show" - and what a show it was. Metaphorically, though, the name goes much deeper. Firespinners bring a gift to us all, a gift, not only of control over our environment, which fire represents, but inner peace, freedom from our irrational fears and, at last, mastery over ourselves. And their gifts are things which those in power would prefer we do not have - those who achieve self-mastery make poor slaves for the corporate masters. I myself returned from my first Burn transformed, unable to meekly accept my Dilbert-esque life in cubicle-space much longer.
I learned many, many things at that first Burn, but didn't learn to spin fire myself until the following summer, in between my first and second burn. During that year between Burns, I went to at least a dozen Burner parties, in many breathtaking desert and wilderness spots. During that year, in one of thosqe spots, I attended Teafaerie's wedding. And everywhere I went, there was the smiling face in the huge "Cat in the Hat" hat - you could not miss Dan. He was a fixture. Everywhere he went, he left that aura of calm and joy. He didn't bring magic with him, he was the magic.
The Flow Arts school that Dan and Tea founded in Los Angeles did not yet exist back then. So, I learned fire staff from Rif, a close friend of Dan and Tea, another amazing teacher who later became a fixture at Flow Arts. My fire staff, custom made by Rif, is perfectly balanced, perfect weight for me. From the moment I picked it up, it was an extension of my hand. For this, I named it "Excalibur". And after too long, I have vowed, in Dan's honor, to pick up Excalibur once more, and get into Flow once more.
There is nothing in the world like the first time you "light up" - actually dip your staff or poi in fuel and then into the darting flames, and take control of the fire. By the time they allow you to light up, you understand the tool, it's balance and momentum, and you understand the fire and it's behaviour. And you understand yourself. You are in control of the beast, and you have no fear. When you have mastered Fire and Flow and Fear, you are at last truly Free. That is the gift Dan, as a teacher, brought to people from all walks of life. Not just in firespinning, but in all of life.
It has been far too long since I've seen my Prometheatrics campmates. After my second Burn in fall of '05, my life took a very difficult turn, actually several of them. I've lost other people I love deeply since then, Dan being only the latest. I struggled with finances, and I struggled with deep depression. I withdrew into myself. I have not been able to get back to the Burn since then, though I miss my playa home deeply, and I mostly lost touch with my Prometheatrics friends, except online.
Usually, I would see my old campmates only twice a year, at Tea's birthday in November and at the camp fund raiser party in summer. But this summer I was busy moving here to Las Vegas and I missed the fundraiser party, if there even was one. And last November, Tea spent her birthday in NY with Dan and Joe, for the SNL taping. So, as bad luck would have it, I last saw Dan, Tea and the Prometheatrics crew around May '09. I always assumed I would see them again, but now I will not see Dan again - not until I too become One with the Universe.
Despite the long separation, the impressions my fellow Burners, but Tea and Dan above all, made upon me will last a lifetime. Across the years of separation, and from four hundred miles away, news of Dan's loss still hit me like a jolt. My greatest concern in this time has been for Teafaerie most of all, and also for all my other old campmates, who are much more directly and immediately hit by his loss.
I have never been the same since my adventures with them. I would not trade those times for anything - except maybe to have Dan back if we could. Only, I know Dan would not accept that trade. The many people like myself whose lives he touched are his life's legacy. He left this world far better than he found it, and i hope we can all say that when our time comes to join Dan out there in the vast cosmos.
It was through Tea and Dan's many facebook posts about hitrecord that I discovered the site. I was intrigued, because the concept of Internet based, open collaboration has long been a special interrest of mine. In mid-January I tried out hitrecord, at a particularly low point in my life. I didn't really think of myself as much of an artist - my primary interest in hitrecord was in the technical side, and in the new model of creative collaboration. My early RECords reflect that. Still, in the welcoming and supportive environment on hitrecord, I grew as an artist. This has led to me taking another step, reading my poems and stories, some originally written for hitrecord, at open mic events around Las Vegas, making new friends in a welcoming and active poetry community here.
I never really met Joe - I don't think he lived in LA back then. We were very briefly introduced once at a party, probably five or six years ago. I actually didn't know who he was back then, other than he was Dan's brother, and that was what was cool about him. To me, that's the greatest and luckiest thing he has in life, to have Dan for a brother. To this day, in my mind Joe is first and foremost "Dan's brother". And for all else he has and has become, I have to think he's pretty damned proud to be Dan's brother.
Meanwhile, I dearly wish I could see Tea and the others again. Especially now. But, I recently left LA for Las Vegas, following an opportunity to at last set my life back on track. It's still a struggle here, and LA might as well be a million miles away. One day, though, I will be back. Back to LA, at least to visit. And one day I will be back to Black Rock City, back to the Burn. And I will go to the Temple, the art installation where Burners go to leave their memories to be consumed in flame. And I will think of Dan and all the people I have lost since my last Burn, and say goodbye the Burner way.
Until then, it is time to pick up my staff once again, find practice and instruction here in Las Vegas, and get my Flow back. Both in fire spinning and in life.
And so, this is my personal tribute to both Dan and to Tea. Love to you both always. )'(
