She woke up in a fog. It was dense and humid. Its spit quickly formed to her forehead, like steam from a tea pot. Breathing felt like a duty rather than a necessity. Skinny dark hands made her sigh, another wasted morning on slumber. She kept her body still, with her eyes playing peek-a-boo, just to see if she was motivated enough to move. She was, but this didn’t mean much.
[Get out of bed, brush your teeth, and take a shower…maybe brush your teeth in the shower? Go to the bathroom, yeah, I really have to go to the bathroom. ]
Her face stayed numb and lifeless as she relieved herself. She felt no reason to be awake, or even alive, really. Not at this point. This was rock bottom. And if it wasn’t… Another reason to not be here.
Instead of further contemplating some odd form of suicide she disrobed. Her glass reflection stared back at her reminding her of her numb state.
[I should probably get a facial or something, I look dumb]
She then noticed there were no towels behind her. She sighed.
[Fuck]
She stood for a bit more, and then it hit her. She didn’t want to take a shower. She didn’t want to do anything normal, anything to contribute to her numbness. She wanted the tingle.
Her feet went sprinting down her hallway, minutes later her mind joined her. She flailed open her front door and ran outside.
[I am outside. I am outside and I am naked.]
Bare, she felt her face light up, it must have been hysteria, or some mix of humiliation and odd bliss. There was nobody outside, nobody to see her manican body unfreeze.
Cool fall air raced through her body, in it and all around it. At least the fog was gone.
[It’s weird to feel wind everywhere. God dammit it’s cold.]
Rebellion, she felt as if she was starting a rebellion. She pondered knocking on everyone’s door, naked, and telling them that this was the way they were supposed to be, that clothes were merely blankets to keep us warm but not something to conform us from our pure selves.
[I’m pretty sure I would get arrested. Fuck it.]
One person, that’s all she needed. One witness to her fulfilling one desire she had today. But nobody was outside.
[They are probably all showering.]
Defeated, deflated. She pictured herself doing yoga on a blanket in her front yard, she thought that might be relaxing.
[Alright it’s starting to get really fucking cold my nipples could like pierce through glass right now.]
She laughed at herself, and then felt her face after she did. It was a high, laughing. She had heard somewhere that smiling in it of itself could make you happy, but she never had enough motivation. Hearing her normal sarcastic self pierce through the clouds of her misery in her brain made her laugh, and that made her temporarily happy.
--HEY!!!!--
There was still nobody around. Who the hell could that be? She decided she should maybe go back inside now, but who was that?
[Is this what it’s like to hear voices? I didn’t know that shit was actually fucking real… That is crazy. Heh, crazy.]
She laughed again. Boy that felt good.
--What the fuck are you doing?!--
Her eyes darted around her surroundings.
[Okay seriously who the hell is that? Is that what my conscience sounds like? A dude? How bizarre.]
Boom boom boom boom boom boom. The beats pounded in her ears and throughout her body, she was no longer cold, she was sweaty and nervous. She should probably go inside now. But she won’t.
--Why are you naked!!!!--
This time she decided against fighting with it. Her thoughts stopped and her words started. She screamed back.
--[[What’s it to you??]]--
--Well, you’re kind of naked.--
--[[And?]]--
A pause.
--I mean…--
--[[Am I bothering you?]]--
--No. No not really. Are you insane?--
--[[Maybe. Maybe I just broke my insanity. ]]--