A fictional beast makes a virtuous vow.
So my laptop died, meaning I haven't been on here as much as I would like of late - also in the great Macbook disaster of 09 I lost this poem, but I have rewritten a slightly different version.
Basically this is for the latest regularity collab. I would LOVE to hear this read or see a little series of animations to go with it. Or a song even - anything! That would put a massive smile on my old kisser.
The Mallowback Mang
The Mallowback Mang is a fruvious beast
With mouthblades that shing when the creature does feast
On the Underrock Yabbers it seeks out to plunder
To pull their furry Yabber bodies asunder
A thirst borne of instinct and natural laws
Yet this Mallowback Mang is ashamed of the claws
That so bloodily maim and assault little creatures
With cheery demeanours and teddy bear features
So from that day forth with a resolute heart
The Mallowback Mang vowed never to part
An Underrock Yabber from his living soul
By chewing him up or devouring him whole
That night in his den as the Mallowback slept
In search of some lodgings a young Yabber crept
But seeing the Mang he stood frozen in fright
Then tippy-toed underrock, way out of sight
But the creature had stirred and his eyes whirred alive
As he sought the intruder who dared to arrive
Unnanounced in his cave at this hour of night
Neath the rock, the young Yabber, he babbered in fright
And the Mallowback heard it with his great Mang ears
Making real the summation of all Yabbers' fears
That they one day be ravaged by a mighty Mang
Their little necks snapped with a claw and a clang
But the Mang, he approached with unusual care
Hoisted the rock so the yabber was bare
And extended his paw in amicable greeting
Authentically cheerful to be Yabber-meeting
The Yabber did cower, confused and uncertain
Did the Mang plan to lure him to his final curtain?
Still he saw no alternative but to shake paws
Relieved to find Mang had retracted his claws
Though the Mallowback sure felt a terrible hunger
Twas his solemn self-law not be a deathmonger
So he bridled his instincts and muffled his pangs
And declared himself greatest of all the great Mangs
He laid down to sleep with the Yabber beside
Cosied up in his coat, the Mang glimmered with pride
As he dreamed of the prize that would follow his end
In that Mallowback heaven he'd one day attend
Then he woke with a start to a needlish sting
And saw tiny sharp mouthblades endeavoured to shing
Into his thick Mang flesh - what a woeful sight!
As the Yabber's jaw locked and chomped down for a bite
The Mang, shook and shamed, looked in the Yabber's face
And moaned "You can't munch me for it isn't your place"
So the Yabber replied, it's mouth bloody, mid-chew,
"If you won't eat me, sir, then I will eat you"