//final draft finished on July 11, 2005.
it took one year to realize i loved him, two years to see that it was unhealthy, and three years to get over him. and to think...it only took my entire childhood to find that love is completely uncontrollable.//

you know, it's still on my dresser
the captures that made you claimed
you used to grin that smirk
where you'd squeeze your lids shut
and make that god-awful throat sound
as if to ridicule me mildly
that only made you more motivating.
"you're gay," you'd say
and lightly push me away
or how about "stop being weak"
but really you were too...weak.
only you were leading by a nose
with something so chronic
and smoked out of being wrong
as others have pointed out.
that day was such bullshit
that only made my shit-hole life worse
that made me want to shit it all away...
but constipated was i in this rut
that seemed to never end.
though you still had me and held me
and made it all fade away
for a few moments
where anger, frustration, spite, pride...
were all forgotten
and you said you missed me and kissed me
and made my list of disses disappear
and i couldn't help but let you hear
that i couldn't front anymore
and i wanted you forever...
so you smiled that smile
and noised that noise
and said those words i've heard before...
"you're gay." and it's ok,
just stay and i'll be gay forever...
just don't stop being weak.