Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
And all the King's horses, and all the King's men,
Couldn't put Humpty together again.

The crime lab arrived at a quarter to five,
The crime lab assessed that he should be alive.
The egg had been drugged, and the egg had been shoved,
But the hand that had committed the foul had been gloved.

A hair was then found on a bit of the shell,
A hair with its DNA secrets to tell.
The prints were ID'ed, and the prints were assessed,
And before yolk grew crusty there'd been an arrest.

The courtroom assembled and jury selected,
The courtroom approved the foreman they'd elected.
And Humptey's best friends, and Humpty's young bride,
Arrived to observe as Ms Hubbard was tried.

Old Mother Hubbard was put on the stand,
Old Mother Hubbard said, "It wasn't planned!
All my dogs, they would whimper, my dogs, they would beg,
And there, on the wall, was a great bloody egg!"

"The dogs were so hungry, they wanted a bone,
The dogs wanted feeding, and I, I had none.
The egg was so tempting, the egg was so great,
Just imagine the omelette I'd put on their plate!"

Old Mother Hubbard was sentenced to die,
Old Mother Hubbard was booked in to fry.
She died as she lived, and she lived as she died,
But twas she, not the Egg, who had ended up fried.