I'm not a big fan of the ending for this one. Has anyone got any bright ideas?
"Come on, Jamie. Keep it together, man. Just keep your head down for two more hours, then you can get out of here, go home, make a nice cup of tea, and then maybe you can think about cracking up in the privacy and comfort of your own home."
"What, Uncle Andy? What do you want?"
"Jamie, that's no way to talk to your dead uncle."
"I'm... I apologize, Uncle Andy. I shouldn't have snapped at you like that."
"How's that Cobb salad treating you, Jamie?"
"This can't be happening right now."
"What's that, Jamie?"
"Uncle Andy, I need to... I'm very busy with work right now. I have a 4:00 deadline, and I have to... I just need to work on this right now."
"I was right about that Cobb salad wasn't I, Jamie?"
"You should have ordered the taco surprise, shouldn't you Jamie?"
"Come on, man. Just two more hours."
"The taco surprise rules, Jamie. The Cobb salad sucks."
"OK what, Jamie?"
"OK, I should have had the taco surprise for lunch."
"Damn straight you should have had the taco surprise, Jamie."
"The Cobb salad was a mistake. Are you happy now, Uncle Andy?"
"There's no use crying over spilled milk, Jamie."
"It's time to let go of that horrible mistake you made at lunch, Jamie, and get on with your life."
"But you just said..."
"I didn't say anything, Jamie. I died seven years ago in a fiery lollipop factory explosion. Don't you remember that, Jamie?"
"I do, Uncle Andy. I remember that very well."
"Do you further remember how I came to be in the employ of that lollipop factory, Jamie?"
"Yes Uncle Andy, I remember that I was the one who convinced you to take that job at the lollipop factory."
"That's right, Jamie. I was poised to start my job at that shiny new hand grenade factory right across the street. But you would have none of that, would you Jamie? No, you were adamant that the hand grenade factory was far too dangerous a place for your beloved Uncle Andy, weren't you Jamie?"
"But Uncle Andy, I was so horrified at the thought of you working every day at that awful factory, constantly surrounded by all of those hand grenades."
"And look where it got me, Jamie! Look at what became of the man who turned down the hand grenade factory for that job at the lollipop factory! Dead at the age of 51. Do you know who isn't dead, Jamie?"
"I know, Uncle Andy. Nobody at the hand grenade factory has ever died on the job."
"It's one of the safest places in the world, Jamie! You could run an orphanage in that factory, and distribute kittens to all of the orphans, give each orphan as many kittens as he can stuff in his grubby little pockets, and the orphans and their many kittens would dance in the streets every day, rejoicing because of how happy they are to live in a place as wonderful and safe as that damn hand grenade factory."
"I'm sorry, Uncle Andy. I never wanted you to be killed in a fiery lollipop factory explosion."
"Don't apologize to me, Jamie. Apologize to all of those orphans who don't get to live in that bastion of sunshine and smiles that is the hand grenade factory."
"You... you're not making any sense, Uncle Andy."
"Of course I'm not making any sense, Jamie! I'm a guilt-induced hallucination who takes the ghostly form of your beloved dead uncle to hurl insults at you as you slip slowly into madness."
"Yeah... yeah I know you are, Uncle Andy."
"Yes Uncle Andy?"
"Would you like a lollipop?"
"No Uncle Andy, I don't really enjoy lollipops anymore."
"You know Jamie, lollipops are a lot like kittens: you're never really too old for either one of them."
"I know, Uncle Andy. You know, I might like to have a kitten."
"Then what do you say we stop talking to illusory relatives and make our way down to the good old hand grenade factory. I hear that the view there is spectacular around this time of year."