It was always the angry music that drew me
The songs you make to get
Something out of your soul,
Or the writing you do
With ink that excises demons
And nails them to a page
Forming them into words
To make them easier to bear.
THE SUM OF TWO MEN
FEAR: I don’t know
You want to know why kids are afraid of the dark? Just ask a child who was raised by a Catholic mother.
Everything you need to know about childhood fear of the dark is in the last two lines. Basically, if you close your eyes, there’s a reasonable chance (because your mother says so), that you may die in your sleep and have your soul stolen by “The Lord”. This is sooooooooooooo NOT an appropriate prayer to teach a toddler!
As a result, I had absolutely shocking nightmares and bouts of somnambulism. I went to bed every night with the fear that I may not wake up in the morning… And not only that, some dude, “The Lord” with a capital “L”, was going to be stopping by while I was asleep, sneaking into my room and running off with my soul! Yes, I needed the lights on… I had to be able to see this specter coming!
(Quick side note on child logic… The Lord coming by in the dark for your soul is not ok… However, Santa Clause sliding down the chimney and essentially performing a festive B and E is ok because he brings toys. The Easter Bunny causes all kinds of logistical issues… Given that he’s just a bunny and can’t scale the side of the house to get to the roof-top chimney, your mother suggests she’ll leave a window open for him… Just make sure it’s only one of those little windows that a grown man can’t get through just in case “The Lord” picks that night to stop by for your soul!!!)
Ugh!!! I digress.
Anyway, my mum eventually tweaked that she was doing irreconcilable damage to my fragile, kid psyche and dropped the prayer in favor of me “God bless…”ing everyone I knew. Which didn’t exactly pan out how she had planned as now I was worried that my friends and family might be called upon by “The Lord”, so the list of “God bless…” got longer and longer each night… And then extended to people I didn’t know (the butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker), and inanimate objects (If there are no unblessed souls going spare, “The Lord” might decide to run off with the telly… or the coffee pot)…
Eventually, we jacked the whole prayer thing in (save it for Catholic school when a kid's brain is a little more developed, folks) and my little sister and I started sharing a room. On the wall there was a charcoal sketch of a staring fox, which I was convinced, would watch me while I was sleeping…
But that’s a whole other story!
Let's talk "The Second Time around"
And, more on "Second Chance"
Imagine actually PAUSING that moment.
"UGH, what I SHOULD have said was..."
Only you DO pause it, and therefore DO NOT NEED a second chance.
What if instead of paying it forward, you could pay it backward?
As I've mentioned before, I have a twin brother and growing up he had a bit of a "lucky streak", shall we say. And when I say a "lucky streak", I mean he consistently won first place in every single contest we entered together: coloring contests, easter egg coloring contests, pumpkin carving, halloween costumes. Everything. Thank god my mother never took certain people's advice and entered us into pageants together or my self-esteem may never have recovered! Of course, my mother always consoled me with some kind of prize claiming that I'd either tied or come in second. Whether or not that was true I may never know.
Just knocking about about some thoughts:
1. The 2nd child/2 children: I have two children, one boy, one girl. However, since they're 7 years apart, I often feel like I have two only children. They aren't two totally different experiences, being a parent of one child vs having multiple children, but there are some differences. Also, there are some challenges. Let alone one being a boy, and one being a girl, they are in 2 completely different stages in life, often doing totally different activites. The older rarely wants to be dragged along to the younger's activities. This creates a pickle for me sometimes because I can't be in two places at once. So an idea;
a short story, bumper or interstital about teleportation, or time travel, or freezing time, so a parent could be in 2 places at once.
2. Partners in crime: a short, a bumper, an interstital. There's the typical Bonnie and Clyde type stories. But, what about a story of 2 partners in crime, where one is clearly the boss of the other, and the 2nd one is tired of being the 2nd fiddle. The 2nd fiddle plots to take the other one out of the partnership. What consequences does the 2nd fiddle face in doing so?
I usually don't find myself in a depressed state until the trapdoor slams shut above me. I don't even see myself standing on the trapdoor before the floor falls out from underneath me. I am so blind to so many situations that make me upset. I feel like sometimes I just delude myself. I give people passes, I give people excuses, I celebrate their victories, I comfort them in their low times.
It's called self preservation. You can't get hurt if you don't stick your hand in the door and wait for it to slam shut.