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It was always the angry music that drew me


The songs you make to get 


Something out of your soul,


Or the writing you do 


With ink that excises demons


And nails them to a page


Forming them into words


To make them easier to bear.

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Model: thisistedwells

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THE SUM OF TWO MEN


FEAR: I don’t know
ANGER: You’re going to do it.
FEAR: I don’t think I can….
ANGER: You WILL do it!
FEAR: But….
ANGER: I grow tired of this. Tired of you. Tired of the excuses.
FEAR: I’m not making excuses. You don’t understand.
ANGER: What’s to understand?
FEAR: You don’t know how it feels.
ANGER: No. I don’t. And neither should you. Now get up and stop sniveling.
FEAR: I…just can’t.
ANGER: You’re worthless! Always with this whining!
FEAR: Don’t say that….
ANGER (mockingly): I can’t, I won’t, it’s too scary. What kind of man do you call yourself anyway?
FEAR: Please, just let me stay here.
ANGER: Great, and now he’s going to start crying. Like he always does.
FEAR: I didn’t ask for this.
ANGER: Well, I’m asking for it. I want them to bring it on. I want them to come at me.
FEAR (breathing rapidly): I want to go home….
ANGER: COME ONE! Bring it! Bring the pain!
FEAR: I don’t want to feel pain.
ANGER: I relish in it.
FEAR: That’s a lie.
ANGER: A lie? You’re the one lying.
FEAR: I’m the one who’s honest.
ANGER: You’re the one who’s weak.
FEAR: Why?
ANGER: That’s a stupid question. Figures, coming from you.
FEAR: Why can’t you tell the truth?
ANGER: The truth about what?
FEAR: Your fear.
ANGER: I don’t feel fear. You do. That’s all you are. Nothing more. A waste of time. Of space.
FEAR: I can’t pretend. I can’t do it anymore.
ANGER: Pretend? HA! I’ll show them. Teach them to mess with me.
FEAR: I just want to be left alone.
ANGER: Fine. Then sit there and cry.
FEAR: Why won’t you understand?
ANGER: Understand what?
FEAR: Where you come from. Why you exist.
ANGER: I exist to beat the life out of chump like you. You remember fourth grade?
FEAR: The bully?
ANGER: You ran.
FEAR: I didn’t.
ANGER: You were a coward.
FEAR: You wanted to hit him.
ANGER: You wanted to hide.
FEAR: You wouldn’t wait.
ANGER: You should have done something.
FEAR: I did. I waited.
ANGER: Yeah? Some man you are.
FEAR: What happened?
ANGER: He walked away. So what? You should have clobbered him.
FEAR: Why?
ANGER: That’s what I would have done.
FEAR: We can’t do this forever.
ANGER: Like hell we can’t!
FEAR: Why must we always argue?
ANGER: Someone has to deal with it. Make the hard choices.
FEAR: By giving me orders?
ANGER: By taking control.
FEAR: I don’t need you.
ANGER: You always say that.
FEAR: But I don’t.
ANGER: And when Dad died? You needed me then.
FEAR: I….
ANGER: You were a wreck! You were weak. You needed me. You couldn’t handle it.
FEAR: I needed time.
ANGER: You needed to get your act together. Be a man!
FEAR: I needed you to listen to me.
ANGER: Listen? Sure. And let you take over and ruin everything? I don’t think so.
FEAR: But we’re closer than you know.
ANGER: I’m nothing like you.
FEAR: You are me.
ANGER: ….
FEAR: See? You know it to be true.
ANGER: I’ll teach you a thing or two. I’m not scared of anyone! No man can touch me!
FEAR: One can.
ANGER: Yeah? And where’s he at?
FEAR: You see him every day.
ANGER: Where?
FEAR: In the mirror.
ANGER: ….
FEAR: You are fear.
ANGER: No. No I’m not.
FEAR: It’s okay.
ANGER: No. I can handle it. I don’t need you.
FEAR: And when she left us? Where were you then?
ANGER: I…I was just…you know….
FEAR: You understood.
ANGER: There was nothing to understand! She didn’t deserve us.
FEAR: We felt alone.
ANGER: Maybe you did.
FEAR: You cried.
ANGER: Did not.
FEAR: I saw you.
ANGER: Whatever.
FEAR: You were the one who drove her away.
ANGER: Say that again!
FEAR: You were. She always hated you.
ANGER: It was you she hated.
FEAR: But she understood me. You covered everything up. You made it all worse. You blamed.
ANGER: No, it was your fault.
FEAR: You’re blaming now.
ANGER: She…she left because of me?
FEAR: Yes.
ANGER: But…I needed her.
FEAR: We both did.
ANGER: I don’t know what I need.
FEAR: You need me. We need each other.
ANGER (sobbing): …..
FEAR: And now you understand.
ANGER: What?
FEAR: That it’s alright. All of it is. That it’s alright.
ANGER: I’m alone.
FEAR: Neither of us is.
ANGER: What do we do now?
FEAR: We meet. In the middle.

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You want to know why kids are afraid of the dark? Just ask a child who was raised by a Catholic mother.



When I was really young (we’re talking two or three), my mum decided to teach me bedtime prayers… Specifically this one:
     Matthew, Mark, Luke and John,
     Bless the bed that I lie on.
     There are four corners to my bed,
     Four angels round my head,
     One to watch, and one to pray,
     And two to bear my soul away.
     Now I lay me down to sleep,
     I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
     If I should die before I wake,
     I pray the Lord my soul to take.
(I believe this prayer is known as The Black Paternoster and dates back to before the 17th century)


Everything you need to know about childhood fear of the dark is in the last two lines. Basically, if you close your eyes, there’s a reasonable chance (because your mother says so), that you may die in your sleep and have your soul stolen by “The Lord”. This is sooooooooooooo NOT an appropriate prayer to teach a toddler!


As a result, I had absolutely shocking nightmares and bouts of somnambulism. I went to bed every night with the fear that I may not wake up in the morning… And not only that, some dude, “The Lord” with a capital “L”, was going to be stopping by while I was asleep, sneaking into my room and running off with my soul! Yes, I needed the lights on… I had to be able to see this specter coming!


(Quick side note on child logic… The Lord coming by in the dark for your soul is not ok… However, Santa Clause sliding down the chimney and essentially performing a festive B and E is ok because he brings toys. The Easter Bunny causes all kinds of logistical issues… Given that he’s just a bunny and can’t scale the side of the house to get to the roof-top chimney, your mother suggests she’ll leave a window open for him… Just make sure it’s only one of those little windows that a grown man can’t get through just in case “The Lord” picks that night to stop by for your soul!!!)


Ugh!!! I digress.


Anyway, my mum eventually tweaked that she was doing irreconcilable damage to my fragile, kid psyche and dropped the prayer in favor of me “God bless…”ing everyone I knew. Which didn’t exactly pan out how she had planned as now I was worried that my friends and family might be called upon by “The Lord”, so the list of “God bless…” got longer and longer each night… And then extended to people I didn’t know (the butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker), and inanimate objects (If there are no unblessed souls going spare, “The Lord” might decide to run off with the telly… or the coffee pot)…


Eventually, we jacked the whole prayer thing in (save it for Catholic school when a kid's brain is a little more developed, folks) and my little sister and I started sharing a room. On the wall there was a charcoal sketch of a staring fox, which I was convinced, would watch me while I was sleeping…


But that’s a whole other story!

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Let's talk "The Second Time around"


Reincarnation
Karma in this life 
Karma from past lives & future lives


 


And, more on "Second Chance"


Imagine actually PAUSING that moment.
             YOU KNOW, that moment of truth, or in a confrontation on which you dwell, going,


               "UGH, what I SHOULD have said was..."


 


Only you DO pause it, and therefore DO NOT NEED a second chance.


 


Other thoughts:


What if instead of paying it forward, you could pay it backward?
What if there were no sequels, only prequels?
Double-vision
Double-dipping!
Squared units
Parallelism
Even vs. odd
Twins!
Two-fold
Two-fers!


Two-timers
Best 2 out of 3 (...ain't bad!)
Bogo
Bell Curves: In order to establish a golden mean, it necessitates two extreme & opposite outliers
Equal and opposite reactions
Centripetal force; centripetal acceleration
Polarities: magnetism, astrology!
Must there exist Hell for there to exist Heaven?
Must there exist the negation of light in order for light to exist? (Technically, yes.)
Hmmmmmmmmm...

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Raing cascading off the neighbors roof during a summer storm.

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- A short film or animation about an alter ego.

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Two!

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As I've mentioned before, I have a twin brother and growing up he had a bit of a "lucky streak", shall we say. And when I say a "lucky streak", I mean he consistently won first place in every single contest we entered together: coloring contests, easter egg coloring contests, pumpkin carving, halloween costumes. Everything. Thank god my mother never took certain people's advice and entered us into pageants together or my self-esteem may never have recovered! Of course, my mother always consoled me with some kind of prize claiming that I'd either tied or come in second. Whether or not that was true I may never know.

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Just knocking about about some thoughts:


1. The 2nd child/2 children: I have two children, one boy, one girl. However, since they're 7 years apart, I often feel like I have two only children. They aren't two totally different experiences, being a parent of one child vs having multiple children, but there are some differences. Also, there are some challenges. Let alone one being a boy, and one being a girl, they are in 2 completely different stages in life, often doing totally different activites. The older rarely wants to be dragged along to the younger's activities. This creates a pickle for me sometimes because I can't be in two places at once. So an idea;


a short story, bumper or interstital about teleportation, or time travel, or freezing time, so a parent could be in 2 places at once.


2. Partners in crime: a short, a bumper, an interstital. There's the typical Bonnie and Clyde type stories. But, what about a story of 2 partners in crime, where one is clearly the boss of the other, and the 2nd one is tired of being the 2nd fiddle. The 2nd fiddle plots to take the other one out of the partnership. What consequences does the 2nd fiddle face in doing so?


 


 

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I usually don't find myself in a depressed state until the trapdoor slams shut above me.  I don't even see myself standing on the trapdoor before the floor falls out from underneath me.  I am so blind to so many situations that make me upset.  I feel like sometimes I just delude myself.  I give people passes, I give people excuses, I celebrate their victories, I comfort them in their low times.  
Then when I am on a high note and I hope people who I love will celebrate with me they are so self involved they don't give a shit.  
It knocks the wind out of my wings and I plummit to the ground.  For FUCK SAKE!!  Why do I set myself up for disappointment!?  Now I don't even bother telling some people about stuff I do while it's happening.  
That way I won't be disappointed that they don't even show they care.  I still love them though, they are my friends.


It's called self preservation.  You can't get hurt if you don't stick your hand in the door and wait for it to slam shut.

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