I have a friend that is raising a daughter with her "wife" in a state that dosen't yet reconize gay marrage and they are the most stable, safe, and down to earth family i have ever seen. I didn't have a safe home growing up but can see that Her child is very smart and well adjusted proving in my mind that enviroment and love means more than old school moral judgement based on prejustice. I am a proud "stright" male early 30's and I have many gay friends and can say get the fuck over your parents fears and judge people as people , actions speak louder than words. It's never what we say as much as what we do.
I am bisexual and married to a woman. We have chosen not to have children, but we have friends who are raising children as same-sex parents, so I've paid close attention to the research findings on same-sex parenting. Despite the dire predictions and baseless rantings of various homophobes, every single myth about gay parents has been debunked by studies conducted over the past three decades.
There are between 1 and 6 million children currently being raised by same-sex parents in the U.S. alone (1), and a number of misconceptions about the children of same-sex parents have been popularized by fear-mongering bigots over the years. However, rates of sexual abuse are not higher among children raised by same-sex parents, nor are these children more likely to be gay or have gender identity issues (2)
The most prevalent myth about children of same-sex parents is that they are more likely to experience emotional or behavioral problems. However, the findings from many studies have shown that they are no more likely to develop behavioral issues or psychological problems than children raised by heterosexual parents (1, 2, 3, 4, 5).
Various studies conducted throughout the 1980s and early 1990s found that children raised by same-sex couples do not differ in terms of relationships, self-esteem, likelihood of suffering from psychiatric disorders, or general well-being (1). Moreover, a recent le study found that children raised by same-sex parents have higher levels of academic achievement and general competence and fewer social and behavioral problems than those raised by heterosexual parents (3). Also, self-reported quality of life among adolescents raised by same-sex parents is similar to that of teens raised by heterosexual parents (3).
The largest study to date, which was conducted in Australia, found that kids raised by same-sex parents score similarly to children with heterosexual parents on measures of mental health, self-esteem, mood, and temperament, and that they score slightly higher than children raised by heterosexual parents on measures of general health, behavior, and family cohesion (4, 5). Lead researcher Simon Crouch attributes this advantage to particular aspects of same-sex relationships: "Same-sex couples are more likely to share childcare and work responsibilities more equitably than heterosexual parent families, based more on skills rather than gender roles. This appears to be contributing to a more harmonious household and having a positive impact on child health . . . It seems that the only real problem faced by some of these children is continuing stigmatization of same-sex parenting (5).
A large-scale longitudinal study conducted by the National Institutes of Health found that same-sex couples tend to be happier and more inclined to confide in one another, and that they experience less conflict and more intimacy and affection, on average (6). Of course these are just averages – there are plenty of happy heterosexual couples and miserable gay couples out there – but the tendency toward greater happiness among same-sex couples does provide some insight into the positive outcomes that have been found for same-sex parenting.
Basically, all these studies have proven what everyone with common sense already knew: kids raised in loving, supportive, happy families have the best prospects for psychological and physical health whether they are raised by heterosexual parents, homosexual parents, single parents, grandparents, or any other combination of caring adults.
According to Benjamin Siegel, a School of Medicine professor of pediatrics, and Ellen Perrin, a Tufts University professor of pediatrics and director of developmental and behavioral pediatrics: “Many studies have demonstrated that children’s well-being is affected much more by their relationships with their parents, their parents’ sense of competence and security, and the presence of social and economic support for the family than by the gender or the sexual orientation of their parents” (3).
- WebMD, Reviewed by Louise Chang, MD. (2005). Study: Same-Sex Parents Raise Well-Adjusted Kids: Researchers Say Children Who Grow Up in Households With Gay Parents Have Normal Self-Esteem. http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/news/20051012/study-same-sex-parents-raise-well-adjusted-kids
- American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry. (2013, August). Children with Lesbian, Gay, and Transsexual Parents. http://www.aacap.org/aacap/Families_and_Youth/Facts_for_Families/Facts_for_Families_Pages/Children_with_Lesbian_Gay_Bisexual_and_Transgender_Parents_92.aspx
- Barlow, R., Boston University. (2013, November 5). Gay Parents as Good as Straight Ones. http://www.bu.edu/today/2013/gay-parents-as-good-as-straight-ones/
- The Guardian. (2014, July 7). Children of Same-Sex Couples Healthier, Says Australian Study. http://www.theguardian.com/world/2014/jul/07/children-of-same-sex-couples-healthier-says-australian-study
- Takeuchi, C., The Georgia Straight. (2014, July 7). Australian Study Finds Kids of same-Sex Parents Are Healthier, Well-Adjusted. http://www.straight.com/life/680756/australian-study-finds-kids-same-sex-parents-are-healthier-well-adjusted
- Parker-Pope, T., The New York Times. (2013, July 1). Gay Marriage: Same, but Different. http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/07/01/gay-marriage-same-but-different/?_php=true&_type=blogs&_r=0
I was about nine years old when my Mom started to bring me
(being the baby of 4)
Around this guy's house which was pretty much acres of awesome
farm land to play on.
Of Course I was STOKED!! What nine year old wouldn't be?
Obviously at age nine I was naive, but not dumb. I knew my Mother
wasn't happy with my father at the time and looking for an out.
I remember after weeks of visit after visit while my father was at work,
I began to like this guy who called himself Bob.
He seemed really interested in history as I did and he had such wisdom
in my eyes!
Finally I caved and Bob became my new best friend, Lord knows my
own Father was dealing with his own demons.
Needless to say he wasn't himself so I guess in my mind I found a
(Temporary he wasn't)
I was taught how to grow soy beans, corn and wheat! Bringing
upon my right of passage into true bib wearing, straw chewing full fledged
The ultimate sweetness was being taught on the John Deer
for which I used by myself many years later.
Back at home, I'm scared shitless because I can hear my parents
arguing.."CRASH, BANG, SHATTER"
As my Father slams the door upon hearing that Mom is taking us kids to live
with my new friend Bob. I've had some emotional conflicting times but this was the worst!
As I weep, my sister embraces me with a hung and I say. "What's going on sissy?"
"Joey, you don't have a father anymore! He has gone and left you, but good news we
will being staying on the farm with Bob!"
I will never forget the pain I felt hearing those words....
(7 months have passed at the B & B Ranch)
Just to create some context or visual aspects
Imagine Burt Reynolds but heavier set and that is what Bob looked like!
One night I passed out watching TV on the couch and because
Bob had eye issues he would always use a flashlight at night to get to the
bathroom which of course that light woke me up out of a dead sleep!
I don't jump, I just lay there peaking my eyes and Bob is only wearing a bra
I of course being the out spoken, blunt child I am ask my Mom the next day,
"Mom, I saw Bob wearing a bra.....why was he wearing a bra?"
My Mother was so amazing on how she explained the situation to me.
She said, "Baby, I'm so sorry you saw that. But I want to ask you a question, when you
look at, talk to and work in the fields with Bob do you see a man or a woman?"
"Bob is a guy Mom, duh!....Right?"
Mom replied, "No JoJo, Bob is a woman and her birth name is Bonnie. I know this is very confusing for
you baby, please understand that exactly how you look at Bob. That's how Bob looks at herself. I want
to believe that I raised you to have faith in love and the soul of a person. So find it in your
heart to give her the same chance you gave when you thought Bob was a man."
Bob and my Mother Brenda were together for 16years
I still think of her as an important Father figure in my life today.
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