A pirate calls up a lumber yard and shouts,"Deliver me timbers!"

I had an idea,

but it went away.

I begged and I begged.

Please stay, please stay!

It had things to do

and pe...

For the first time in my life

I woke up as myself.

It seems as if for far too long

I'd been living as somebody else.

Then a powerful wind of chang...

There are times when my heart feels so light it is as if it could just float away into the clouds.

Other times my heart feels so heavy it is as if someone tied a brick to it and drop...

As you wish upon a star on a string, you realize that you have everything.

"Go away, girls don't play with dinosaurs!"

"You're just mad cause yesterday my t-rex ate your triceratops"

 

*This really happened to me in kindergarten...

His girlfriend could not make it to his performance, forcing the cellist to go stag.

When they touched horns, they felt as if they were the only two fish in the sea. It was then that they knew that their love was meant to be.

If we could erase the past do you think it would leave eraser marks?

(This was inspired by mirtle's sketch sit and sew. It reminded me of my mother, who this story is about)


Penny Jane loved to sit and sew.
She'd hand sew quilts
for all ...

I closed my eyes out of fear, and when I opened them I didn't recognize a thing.

If I could speak, I'd tell you I love you.

I wanted to shout "I love you" at the top of my lungs, but the butterflies got in the way.

Those sleezy sales guys are always trying to screw you in the commissionary position. I always tell them I am kinky, but I draw the line at getting fucked in the wallet!

Frozen beauty trapped in ice,

trapped by fear

I tried to free you,

warm you with the touch of my hand

But the sharp coldness you omit

...

Heaven might be boring, and hell might be mean, so for now I am content being stuck here in between.

I wonder if we will find all the secrets of the universe hidding behind some ancient door somewhere.

The luscious lipstick wondered why she even bothered with a mascara who had obviously passed his expiration date.

The Slum Lord Monster won't return your calls,

but when the rent is due...he's busting your balls.

Fairies spend most of their time in the air

flying and living so free,

but sometimes they just want to come down to earth,

to dip their toes in the sand and t...

My son can't hear me talking to him when we are in the same room, but he can hear me open a candy wrapper from all the way down the hall with his door closed.

The Bird Reaper and The Bird Keeper were the best of friends.

They understood there is a balance to life.

When one bird's life ends, another's begins.

To live...

Mary Anne was raised by theives,

a real bunch of haters

but they love her so, for you see

she is their little home invader

When a romance begins
it seems as if
everything's going just right
but you can't really know
if your love's meant to be
until you look at it in light

I would give you an ounce of respect

if courage wasn't something you lack

if you had the guts to say to my face

what you've been saying behind my back

No fair! I said they could borrow my castle, not keep it!

I told my old self I would come back, but we both knew that was a lie.

Violet hated that all anyone could talk about when she entered a room was her hair, so the last time somebody brought it up she quickly changed the subject.

I wonder if your balloon and mine will ever meet?

The Great Snail Migration of 1998 took so long they had to change the name to The Great Snail Migration of 1998-2012.

She bathed in her bathing suit so the ghosts wouldn't see her naked.

There is an ocean of emotion inside me. I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but today there will be smooth sailing in these waters.

Rain, rain escargot away! 

The ambitious blowfish tried so hard to whistle, but instead of sound he blew bubbles.

Life sometimes isn't pretty,

but it is beautiful.

It is hard,

but it is fragile.

It is so complex,

but it is simple.

It ca...

Instead of saying "I love you"

I just eye love you.

That way nobody gets hurt.

The day I met myself was the strangest day of my life. We look alike, and even talk alike, but my personality was nothing like what I thought it would be. I was clumsy and shy, it was very awkwa...

I woke up this morning with a monster on my head!

It was crazy and wild! It was mean and red!

It gave me such an awful scare,

til I realized it was just my ha...

The Good Company Slayers

hold performance in the park,

but never in the daylight,

always after dark.

There is never any Shakespeare,

a...

I did it, I finally did it! I used my magic against a monster and it worked. All the other kids say I don't really know magic, but I knew that wasn't true. I have been training my whole life for...

Deep in the forest is where I hide,

all of the animals are on my side.

When they need me I am there too,

and that is why I'm killing you!

So you think of me as an outsider I see,

so different from what you think I should be.

Well I got some news for you,

I see you as an outsider too.

I didn't lose my mind, it moved out and started a new life.