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Emma Conner
- North Yorkshire...
- Last Record: 2013-05-19 08:39:38 -1000
- Joined: Mar 26, 2011
- http://twitter.com/#!/...
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I am a very even tempered, diplomatic, generally kind, benefit of the doubt sort of person. But while rare sometimes people push me to my limits and the best thing to do is write a poem of w... |
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well since I've been a little bit busy lately this will be my last text of the year, but don't worry I'll be back! :) I remember that I promised myself that this year I would try to ... |
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Just a little ditty inspired by mirtle's drawing! It's just voice and it should actually be in time - so have at it! (Maybe 52bpm I think?)
This winter I want to go live in a tree
I'll be in its belly til January
I hope that you will remember me
And visit me in my November tree
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It’s a dream. A hiccup of imagination, Where I am with you- in a realm where my love is real and you’re mine a... |
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"As the concept of [the] original disappears in the digital world, where can we look for the assurance that what we observe is what it claims to be?"
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Some days I feel so defeated by Life Like now, when every word I want to articulate is burned away and all I’ve got left to write with are the worst colorless ashes that remain... |
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A man walks into a record store. He says to the manager, "Show me something ultra-rare." The manager spontaneously combusts. |
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I had an idea that I reckon would take RE-RECS to the next level. Hitrecord radio. Its pretty easy to set up an internet radio station and I think it would be pretty cool for HR to have one. ... |
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Bye bye, so long, farewell... Because it was the time to tell. |
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As usual I attached my detailed notes/suggestions/edits. Again sorry for the blood bath.
There is some great, great development in part 2 of Shelter. It picks up right where the first part ends and I love it. Again you use the flashback scenes superbly and they flow right in to the rest of the story. You do an excellent job fleshing out this post apocalyptic landscape and you get a sense of the grueling existence it Michelle's search for a place to hide herself from the elements. Her character is also developed wonderfully! You put so much of her in to these 2 sections that you get a really strong sense of who she is. Adding the part about the flowers in the first section is a great move to set up the scene they come in to play in later on.
I defnitely feel like there is a lot more to be said about Michelle and the world she resides in. I'd love to get more glimpses of her with her parents. Were they young when the zero hour happened? I'd also love to get more on David's father since he is breifly mentioned. As the comments for this have stated, there is definitely a novel's worth of story just in these 2 short sections you've given us! Overall the imagery is great! And you keep the reader engaged and involved!
Some general comments, try avoiding using the character's name so frequently. There are a few points where it comes up several times in the span of 2 sentences. You want to balance it with pronouns to prevent it from sounding too stiff. Also you have a lot of long, long sentences. Try to vary the length as too many long sentences in a row start to feel exhausting and the reader has a tough time knowing where things start and stop. Lastly, try simplifying some of the descriptions. I highlighted several in my notes as examples. Often being overly wordy or complicated takes away from what could be a very sharp and poignant image. Brevity can do a lot in fiction sometimes.
Great piece again overall and a great extension of part 1! I really hope you keep expanding on this storyline as I think it is an awesome read! Keep up the great work! Can't wait for part III!
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The butterfly of chaos is caught in a net of it's own making. |
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You know by now That he's been grounded The beard is off The sleigh impounded And giving up t...
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Reality limits possibilities Art creates them |
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This was taken on 2 November 2011, the day of the General Strike at Occupy Oakland. I was unable to participate in the march to close the Port of Oakland, but I was able to spend about 2 hours getting pictures of the plaza as well as a couple of marches (they seemed to be going out about every couple hours all day long). Since it was also Dia de los Muertos/All Souls Day, there were lots of shrines and other religious observances dedicated to people who have died as the result of corporate greed, police brutality, and similar reasons. Several of them were grouped in the same area, and that's where this video was taken.
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in his mind his fine hand drifted down the small of her back while she stared at her burly b... |
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Sometimes I look down at my hand and I see this faint little broken scar, a scar that I know has been there for most of my life. Of all the scars I do have, this one s... |
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there once was a lonely penis who thought love would never be found but one day he met mons de venus the result exquistedly profound soon... |
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I run always from your stare I keep my eyes on who follows me here every heartbeat is an attack, I just can't relax without a wish or a prayer I close my eyes... |
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When the Sun sets and the day is done The celestial guardians vigil has begun Protecting the Earth through the night Until... |
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I once called you my muse and it was true. |
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There was once a little girl, whose only dream was to fall in love. She would wake up every morning, her heart aching to skip a beat, burning with desire to experience something beautiful. One d... |
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And if I just had words enough to say... The things I know I will inevitably feel; Without a doubt what would come tumbling out - Is an "I lo... |
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The blizzard of who you were froze my heart solid as ice, Unable to beat without shattering into a million pieces |
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The loveliest stars I've ever seen Are those that must fight the city light For while country stars are free to preen City stars earn their right to the night... |
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No one knew that Rudy's red nose was actually due to his drinking problem....
For InkedCanvas... ;) |
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I can't help but notice you. In fact, I can't help but become distracted by thoughts about you. This is particularly troubling while sitting in class, like right now. Yes, I find you attractive.... |
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I’m a motherless child, born of sweat and tears, I’m the fatherless wild, unkempt and lost in fear, I’m the orphaned mind, left for dead in the cold, |
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