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Henry
Released 2012-01-01 20:29:01 +0000

Stories fit for the shortest of short attention spans.

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Donuts are horribly made.


They always have holes in them.

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2012-01-01 20:27:33 +0000
55 Hits
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A brave politician once demanded change.


So, someone passed him forty-four cents and that was that.

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2012-01-01 20:26:11 +0000
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He never minded being alone in bed.


At least now he had the whole thing to myself.

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2012-01-01 20:22:11 +0000
31 Hits
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There was once a writer who could never finish his stories.

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2012-01-01 20:48:22 +0000
26 Hits
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The Koala bear fell in love with his cup of tea,


And the two spent some Koala-Tea time together.

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2012-01-01 22:34:31 +0000
18 Hits
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I fell to sleep last night and had a dream.


In this dream, I was falling.


Before I hit the ground, I woke up,


But I didn't stop falling... I fell back to slee...

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2012-01-01 22:43:03 +0000
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A Russian and a Roman met while travelling through the countryside.


The Roman taught the Russian how to enjoy nature's beauty and stop rushing.


The Russian taught the Rom...

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2012-01-01 22:52:19 +0000
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If a tree falls in the woods and no one is around,


Who gives it a band-aid and makes it all better?

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2012-01-02 00:47:03 +0000
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Her kisses were like chocolate truffles,


Except that he actually enjoyed getting chocolate truffles.

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2012-01-02 00:57:43 +0000
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He had broken her heart,


But she had broken his fridge.


They were about even.

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2012-01-02 05:16:20 +0000
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Mugs do not have handles.


They just want to shake your hand.

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2012-01-02 05:23:09 +0000
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The lonely cactus began to cry.


No one would hug him.

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2012-01-02 05:24:59 +0000
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The unaware vampire thought he was ugly.

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2012-01-02 05:27:38 +0000
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The members of the fridge gathered around the lifeless carton. All of a sudden, a particularly insensitive orange called out "No use crying!"

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2012-01-02 06:19:53 +0000
22 Hits
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Putting aside their differences and deciding to work together, the two pirates entered the two-and-a-half legged race.

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2012-01-02 17:59:49 +0000
17 Hits
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Two ambitious little cars once dreamt of becoming filmmakers. Determined to make this dream a reality, they took their cameras to the race track and made an indy-film.

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2012-01-02 23:16:53 +0000
34 Hits
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The moon has to run away from the sun because cheese melts if it gets too hot.

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2012-01-12 01:09:49 +0000
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Ku-ku-ka-cho, here's to you, Mrs. Walruson!

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2012-01-12 01:11:10 +0000
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The waitress turned to me with a frightened look on her face. "Boysenberry?" she asked gravely. "I thought you said 'Poison-berry'..."

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2012-01-12 01:14:20 +0000
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Of all the creatures of the sea, there is one that is more racist and prejudice than the rest. His name is Adolf-in the dolphin.

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2012-01-12 01:20:19 +0000
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A little girl was once afraid of monsters under her bed, but she should have really been worried about the skeletons in her closet.

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2012-01-12 01:22:04 +0000
29 Hits
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When I was younger, I always wanted to fit in.


 


I fit in now, but it's terribly boring.

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2012-01-12 01:24:43 +0000
63 Hits
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Sometimes I talk to my shadow because I feel like he gets lonely.

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2012-03-01 02:10:08 +0000
29 Hits
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I don't really know who I am, so that's why I pretend to be other people.

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2012-03-01 02:20:25 +0000
82 Hits
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Every day I set out to be more productive than I was the last and every day I end up procrastinating.

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2012-03-01 02:25:49 +0000
42 Hits
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Rainbows are the result of Leprechauns throwing up.

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2012-03-04 22:44:15 +0000
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Little Jimmy never had a big Richard.

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2012-03-17 21:00:04 +0000
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It is my considered opinion that we both get naked.

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2012-03-17 21:02:44 +0000
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What is the sound of one hand clapping? A slap.

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2012-03-21 23:18:56 +0000
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"Quite frankly, my dear, I can't stop caring..."
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2012-04-07 05:33:56 +0100
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"Quite frankly, my dear, I can't stop caring..."
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2012-04-07 05:34:05 +0100
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I'm not hungry enough to eat,


But I would love a little sweet treat.

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2012-04-08 21:31:12 +0100
18 Hits
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This may be the Vicodin talking... But I freaking love Vicodin.

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2012-04-12 02:09:26 +0100
35 Hits
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With a single look, she silenced the room,


And then she brightened it up with her smile.

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2012-04-26 01:25:41 +0100
11 Hits
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She likes me, I don't like her.


I like her, she doesn't like me.


We both like each other, no one likes us.


Everyone likes us, we don't like anyone.

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2012-04-26 01:28:20 +0100
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The thing with falling in love is that you'll usually scrape your knee.

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2012-04-26 01:29:28 +0100
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No, no, it's alright. I'm just going to go hide away in a book now. Carry on.

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2012-04-26 01:31:04 +0100
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The twinkling night sky winked at us with all of its stars.


And our bustling cities winked right back with their flashing lights.

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2012-04-26 01:36:03 +0100
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"You are what you eat!" warned the giant piece of steak.

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2012-04-26 01:39:59 +0100
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It seems that I'm either slapped or kissed.


Strangely enough, I'm always missed.

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2012-04-26 01:43:23 +0100
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The band began to play,


And all of their troubles went away.

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2012-04-26 01:54:09 +0100
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"Do you think you'll read The Raven again?"


"Nevermore."

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2012-04-26 02:22:24 +0100
74 Hits
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The boy stared deeply into her eyes. Then he took a long look at the rest of her vowels.

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2012-04-30 22:22:51 +0100
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Fathers teach their sons how to treat women.


Mothers teach their sons how to treat a lady.

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2012-04-30 22:24:18 +0100
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She may be a total bitch... but she's very good at hiding it.

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2012-04-30 22:25:38 +0100
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Very rarely can we see what we want until we've lost it.

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2012-04-30 22:26:50 +0100
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Creativity never strikes the same place twice.

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2012-04-30 22:28:09 +0100
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Whenever I forget a really good idea, I just try to convince myself that it wasn't really that great.

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2012-04-30 22:30:02 +0100
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Long legs will get you places.

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2012-04-30 22:32:19 +0100
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She must be a witch! Every time I see her I can feel some sort of dark magic in my pants!

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2012-04-30 22:34:07 +0100
26 Hits
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My memory is horrible. Sometimes I can't even remember what I've forgotten.

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2012-05-04 03:43:35 +0100
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It starts with a cute beginning,


Followed by an exciting middle,


And then a shitty ending.

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2012-05-06 19:41:39 +0100
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There is certainly no denying the presence of a voluptuous posterier.

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2012-05-13 20:35:25 +0100
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She is a match that can light the fuse in my heart and cause an explosion somewhere a little bit lower.

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2012-05-20 05:37:33 +0100
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"I'll love you till the day I die," he said holding her in his arms.


"I'll love you till the day I'm reincarnated." she retorted.

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2012-05-20 05:39:59 +0100
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I wake up just to go back to sleep.

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2012-05-20 05:41:08 +0100
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Familiarity and Consistency were her best friends. They kept her comfortable when Changes had fucked something up.

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2012-05-20 05:45:10 +0100
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The difference between school and real life is that in real life you teach yourself things that you actually want to know.

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2012-05-20 05:47:57 +0100
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For him, writing was like masturbating: he did it best when it was silent and he was alone.

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2012-05-20 05:52:04 +0100
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Soon, the young writer felt his creativity returning. There was so much he wanted to write about. It seemed like ideas were falling from the sky.

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2012-05-20 06:06:36 +0100
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They knew the bunker wouldn't really protect them, but they didn't care.


It was so darn cozy down there.

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2012-05-20 06:10:29 +0100
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"WHOOOOOOOOO!!" Owlbear roared, trying his best to sound like an owl.

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2012-05-20 06:12:55 +0100
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The boy had no idea where he was going. He just wanted to ride his bike.

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2012-05-20 17:02:14 +0100
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He thought he had seen it all. Then he found the internet.

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2012-05-20 17:51:51 +0100
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Tea has to be my favorite letter.

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2012-05-20 17:55:45 +0100
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Never write with your pants on. Pants limit your creativity.

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2012-05-20 18:05:43 +0100
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When I look in the mirror, sometimes I see a young boy and other times I see an old man. And sometimes I even see myself.

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2012-05-26 21:23:15 +0100
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Sometimes I feel like a mute writer with broken hands. I have all of these emotions inside of me, but I can't express any of them accurately.

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2012-05-27 05:19:45 +0100
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The young couple didn't mind being quiet at the library. Their lips were too busy doing something else, anyway.

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2012-05-27 15:57:00 +0100
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I've realised that these really are the best years of my life. If only everyone else would.

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2012-05-29 03:58:47 +0100
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I've got about 60 years left on this Earth. I don't plan on wasting any time being angry at you.

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2012-05-30 02:01:18 +0100
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The truth hurts, but the sooner you know it, the sooner you can fix it.

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2012-06-04 22:29:55 +0100
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