Music by MikeReaganNoise & Jess Pillmore, Lyrics Jess Pillmore

*I was inspired by the space Mike left in the piece and the looped feeling as if the song could just go on forever without resolving.

Time.            Space.

This is a vast vacuum of suspended waiting

For

            What?

Something to confirm

Something to deny

Something to say:

                                    I saw what you saw.

                                    I felt what you felt.

                                    You are here now

                        In this

Time.            Space.

This vast vacuum of

suspended waiting

For

What?

The one who got away – music & lyrics by Jess Pillmore

The facts are fading as the memory sets

This is the part of this dance where you retrace all your steps.

Where was the moment where she slipped through your hands?

Fragments of images are more than you can stand.

She’ll always loom larger than any current love

She’ll lure you away with thoughts of what was

An old standard of hope and fear we play

The ballad of the one who got away.

You pray for a memory to pop up like a shiny gem

So many to stumble on… you’ve got a secret place store them

When you touch your lover, you can bring them out to play

You may see her lips move but you’ll hear the one that got away.

She’ll always loom larger than any current love

She’ll lure you away with thoughts of what was

 An old standard of hope and fear we play

 The ballad of the one who got away.

She’s held on a horizon of where you wish you went

 Such a costly adventure with money already spent

 She’s an illusion of perfection wafting higher & higher. 

 A sensual smoke with no hope of fire.

She’ll always loom larger than any current love

She’ll lure you away with thoughts of what was

An old standard of hope and fear we play

The ballad of the one who got away.

The ballad of the one who got away.

Icon is from jennaroses  - I thought her art was an interesting pairing with this song - gives a new meaning to one's first time and the reincarnation of self.

Easy  - music & lyrics by Jess Pillmore

Everyone has a first time

Everyone has a story to tell

For some it’s laced with fantasy

and for others...

well, that’s the past

and they’d rather not dwell.

It’s just that easy.

I was determined to choose my own

Before it chose me.

He turned out to be a friend of a friend

He was exactly the type of stranger

i needed him to be.

We taxied down to his apartment

Walked up to his loft

Found out what everyone’s been talking about

but all i remember was that his bed was too soft.

I got dressed pretty quickly

not one board creaked.

but as i turned the very last lock

I heard a voice

over me.

So much for easy.

“Don’t I get a kiss goodbye?

Then you can give your leavin’ a second try.

I thought that maybe you’d stay.

I just wanted to tell you... happy valentine’s day.”

What could I say

except “thank you”

and then I ran away.

I find a corner to call my friend

just let him know that I was all right.

see i’m not the type of girl to stumble in at one in the afternoon

dressed from last night.

you know, what they call

Easy.

It’s never easy.    It’s never easy.

Everyone has a first time

Everyone has a story to tell

For some it’s laced with fantasy

but for me...

well, that’s the past

and I’d rather not.

Before independence comes the struggle to let go.

LYRICS

Late last night

I could have sworn

you were all of my ex-s

lying next to me.

It was my moment to give back the pain

I had resurrected

joyously.

Could I be that spiteful?

Could I bear the weight

of rage wholly reborn

for a fictional victory,

seeing all of you

drowning in a world of scorn?

Could I? Could I?

Could I hold your head under water?

It wouldn’t be tough.

Turn my back and ignore you

just enough?

One hand down while one hand waved

at my next naive conquest

that day.

I’ve been biting my tongue for years

and the blood

no longer bothers me.

Secretly holding my joy prisoner

but I’d rather call it “watching TV”.

Locked in a cage of my own creation

lined with haunting imagery.

It’s not my job to convince you,

the illusions are real enough for me.

Could I? Could I?

Could I hold my head under water?

It wouldn’t be tough.

Turn my back and ignore my joy

just enough.

One hand down while one hand waved

at my next perfect distraction

that day.

         But I’ve got to

         learn to let go.

         Save myself.

         Free my soul.

         I’ve got to learn to let go,

         but sometimes the rage

         has such a hold over me... I can hardly be.

                  Multitasking masters

                  suppressing every hope while

                  wishing them to be set free.

                  Running their race backwards

                  complaining over the only view

                  they let themselves see.

                  Illness and anger is all around us

                  but we’re taught early

                  to acknowledge and then ignore.

                  To acknowledge and then ignore.

                  We wonder why history repeats itself

                  when we’re obsessed with staring at the floor

                  obsessed with staring at the floor.

We can hold our lives under water.

It’s not that tough.

Turn our backs and ignore our purpose

just enough.

One hand down while one hand waves,

framing the illusion of life lived

another day.

Framing the illusion of live lived another day.

              But I’ve got to

              learn to let go.

              Save myself.

              Free my soul.

              I’ve got to learn to let go,

              but sometimes the world

              has such a hold over me that I can hardly be...

              but I’ve got to learn to let go.

              I've got to learn to let go.

an old tune I've been reworking... thought I'd strip it down and offer it up for collaborative inspiration.

MIND FLICKERINGS - lyrics & music by jess Pillmore

Do you remember what you said?

It’s hard to believe the words are still in my head.

Phrases from you from me from then

Why won’t they leave me?

Why won’t they leave me?

        They turn everything else dark.

        How much longer can I hold my heart

        over the flames of the words we used?

        Mind Flickerings

        Mind Flickerings

                 The lips are gone, it’s just the sounds

                 The sound of you lifting me up

                 and then letting me down.

                 The sounds brighten and they fade

                 And it doesn’t take anything to spark them.

                 Nothing has to spark them.

Every magazine seems to hold your face.

Just this look you had a bout you

Fashionably commonplace

It’s not an insult, it’s not a compliment either.

Why do you haunt me?

Why do you haunt me?

          Mind Flickerings

          Mind Flickerings

                     The lips are gone, it’s just the sounds

                     The sound of you lifting me up

                     and then letting me down.

                     The sounds brighten and they fade

                     And it doesn’t take anything to spark them.

                     Sometimes a simple word can spark them.

                     I wish I knew what sparked them.

Mind Flickerings

Mind Flickerings

Do you remember what you said?

Point of Reference - Jess Pillmore ©2005 Jess Pillmore/Roadworm Music (ASCAP) 

I tried to shorten my life

living as fast as I could.

I was always the life of the party,

folklore of the neighborhood.

Oh, the stories they tell, they tell,

and you thought you knew me well.

I’d come home to find my dad out on the lawn

3 o’clock in the morning all senses gone.

And I was the “lucky one”,

I got to see him hit rock bottom.

     Just once

     try to imagine.

     Look where I came from,

     see where I stand.

     You get lost in “my fault”'s and “I wish you wouldn’t”'s.

     For the sake of clarity, please,

     use this point of reference.

I learned too early that respect was going to be hard won.

There he was wrapped around another woman,

he said, “Do you want to hit me, son?”

That drew a concrete line,

between the lies he lives

and all of mine.

I moved out of his house before I could even drive.

There I was furnishing my apartment,

dragging it all by the roadside.

You could say he taught me how to survive,

and mask the pain

by getting high.

     Just once

     try to imagine.

     Look where I came from,

     see where I stand.

     You get lost in my silence and isolation...

     For the sake of clarity, please,

     use this point of reference.

                 All your good intentions are wasted.

                 You can’t wipe clean my past.

                 I was pulled taut by that tension.

                 My well worn hide’s now proven to last.

                 You can’t pull me out of that danger.

                 You can’t kiss and mend every bruise.

                 I didn’t find you to replace any savior.

                 You’ll have to love me used.

Every brother has inherited dad’s adultery.

I think that’s why I’m constantly moving

so his genes never catch up to me.

Yet for advice I’m the one they call.

Their illusion of me is so unbelievable.

“I’m a flake. I disappear.

Maybe a postcard once a year”.

So many sarcastic punchlines are ringing in my ears.

If they want to see me that way, that’s fine.

They have their truths

and I have mine.

     Just once

     try to imagine.

     Look where I came from,

     see where I stand.

     You get lost in my jokes and family ribbings...

     For the sake of clarity, please,

     use this point of reference.

I love what everyone is creating for the beautiful animation of The Man with a Turnip for a Head.  I thought it would interesting to go a different direction.  Here is something a bit darker, foreboding but with space for breath and hope.

I had a hard time downloading the original movie, so I couldn't put it to the film.  I did keep it in mind for some of the music shifts.

Here's the audio with Gary Oldman for reference.  If anyone has tips to download the animation, as a newbie, I'd appreciate it!

This tune was suppose to be on my last album but never quite fit... now it opens a musical I've written - a modern parable about living in the Now.

Curious on what sparks you about it?  It came out of true creative silence for 6 months.... felt like forever.

~ jess

It’s been six months since I’ve written a word/And it’s not due to lack of activity

The more that happens the less I want to be heard/I sink into where my spine should be.

And it’s starting to effect my smile/My heart grows heavy with the burden

I’d tiptoe a country mile/out of my way to avoid telling you what’s hurting

I wish you’d let me go.  I wish I wouldn’t reach for you

Patterns of how life should go don’t make sense like they use to.

I have to chose my own view.  I have to chose my own view.

It’s been six months since I’ve written a word.  I wear it like a badge of honor.

A good little girl that can reassure everyone there’s no resentment or anger.

But it’s starting to effect my smile, weighed down by gravity

And in this topsy-turvy world, I find my ground on rocky insecurities.

I wish you’d let me go.  I wish I wouldn’t reach for you

Theories  of how life should go don’t make sense like they use to.

I have to chose my own view.  I have to chose my own view.

I’m sorry in advance/Vague as I am I know you’ll see through this

I’m sorry in advance/But I had to do it.

It’s been six months since I’ve written a word and my best friend just called me on it.

He says my silence is obscene and absurd,  “Exactly what am I afraid of?”

I’m afraid you’ll let me go.  I’m afraid I won’t reach for you.

I’m afraid of the unknown chaos that’s about to ensue.

I have to chose my own view.  I have to chose my own view.

It’s been six months since I’ve written a word and it’s starting to effect my smile.

Older song... about someone's turn of phrase turning against them.

You laugh and ask what you're going to do with me. 
"Trade up," I reply, "Eventually, when you're big and famous 
I'll just be a song from your past."

But I was just joking.  I was just.... 
I was just...

You roll your eyes and sigh a bit too hard. 
Did I push the envelope too far 
with, "Just admit what we know to be true: 
I can't satisfy your needs."

But I was just joking.  I was just.... 
I was just...

You heard me wrong or 
you wouldn't take it so strong 
'cause I was just joking.  I was just... 
I was just...

You say it pains you to hear such words. 
You took me seriously?  That's so absurd. 
Sure, there may be some truth in it all. 
Maybe I'm scared how hard I fall for you.

But I was just joking.  I was joking. 
Can't you take a joke? 
You see 'cause I was just joking.

This is a quieter section from "point of reference instrumental" that then goes back to the main theme.  I used the first section of this song for Dr. Gory's Independence edit of A Mother's Responsibility.

I thought this musical theme could tie in a few of the vignettes with a forward, upbeat but yet slightly tentative vibe.  The discovery of independence and it's hope and fragility.

Here's a take on the first verse/chorus/outro chorus I thought I'd get some feedback before attack the whole thing head on.

Lyrics:

Word play is very rarely playful

at least from the crossfire I see.

Either they are very distractionary tactics

or jabs with war-like subtleties

Times like these

Breathing has its advantages

Times like these

But I don’t know how to start

Times like these

Sanity’s not a prerequisite

Times like these

I wonder where you are

Times like these I wonder where you are

Push past, push through

It’s thoughts like this that can destroy you

Push past, push through

It’s thoughts like this that can destroy you

For remixing purposes

Originially done for Automator's collage song.

LYRICS:

Word play is very rarely playful

at least from the crossfire I see.

Either they are very distractionary tactics

or jabs with war-like subtleties

Times like these

Breathing has its advantages

Times like these

But I don’t know how to start

Times like these

Sanity’s not a prerequisite

Times like these

I wonder where you are

Times like these I wonder where you are

Push past, push through

It’s thoughts like this that can destroy you

Push past, push through

It’s thoughts like this that can destroy you

Driving across the line

Of this great divide

All those “neverminds”

Helped me build inside.

All I felt was being left on the street

All I felt were every dream just out of reach.

All I felt was every NO coming true.

All I felt was a judgment from you.

But I want to... I want to...

I want to feel the waves as they crash on the beaches of Malibu.

I want to feel the waves as they crash on the beaches of Malibu.

A key’sin the ignition

And the girl has got a mission

to finally be free

To Finally be free

Looking out at the road

Dangers still untold.

But nothing can keep me down

I’m laughing at the sound

Sound of the tires as they screech down the street

Sound of my dreams ‘cause they’re just out of reach.

Sound of the no that I finally said to you.

Sound of now in which I am born anew.

It’s the sound of the of waves as they crash on the beaches of Malibu

It’s the sound of the of waves as they crash on the beaches of Malibu

A key’s in the ignition

And a girl has got a mission

to finally be free

To Finally be free

demo mix and lyrics are here

http://www.hitrecord.org/records/797217

Pound for Pound - Jess Pillmore

Based on the moment I saw an 8 year-old girl pick up a candy bar at the cash register, see the fashion mags, look at herself and then put the candy back.

LYRICS:

It wafts out of fad mags

“Insecurity”

must be a new scent by Klein.

Beauty drips down page by page by the pound.

Self help tips trip me up and tie my down

to an image unachievable.

It’s unbelievable

what they force feed us all.

Pound for pound

this dollar’s sound.

Pound for pound...

hottest market in town.

Come on down.

Little, little girl, check out line dream,

unable to snap out of the glitter-glam grand slam.

She’s starting so young before dinner’s even begun

she’s pushing her plate out of the gate.

I’m calling out to the conscience of the Cosmo queens,

“Undo the spell of the check out line dream!”

Pound for pound

this dollar’s sound.

Pound for pound...

hottest market in town.

Come on down.

They tell you,

“It’s your outer beauty that pushes love’s door open wide.”

That’s what they’re banking on,

feeding your frightened vain side.

“Yes, that’s what we’re banking on.

Now, take a bite and pass it on down the line!"

Under a conveyor belt hum,

some little kid’s screeching for gum,

someone demands doubling up on their bags.

Under the glossy pics and funky fonts a mantra slips.

I can hear it now,

“Who cares if a majority’s spurned

when there’s bucks, big bucks to be earned?”

Pound for pound

this dollar’s sound.

Pound for pound...

hottest market in town.

Come on down.

And we keep counting pound for pound.

We keep counting...

Let your little girl cut them up and plaster them on her wall.

Let your little boy gawk and stare.

Show him what makes a woman his perfect doll.