So I think we should break up.

 

What?

 

Yeah....

"I can't believe you just did that in front of me!"

"What do you mean? You asked me to do it in front of you!

"Yeah but I didn't think you'd actually do it! I didn't real...

 

"Hello, welcome to the Holiday Inn, how are you?"

"Great, thanks....so I saw on the sign outside that kids stay for free?"

"Yes they do! Would you like...

“If you hold that shell to your ear, you can hear the ocean.”

“It just sounds like someone sighing forever, like my mom.”

“I found it on the...

“I know you’re there. “

“No, you don’t.”

“I see your feet. I know you’re there.”

“You see nothing.”

“You’re salivating! I’m going to drown in all the dr...

“Start whenever you’re ready.”

“Um, I just have some questions about the character first.”

“Of course. You’ll want to fully unde...

- Ok, here's the thing...

~ Oh boy.

- What?

~ Could we talk about this later? I'm kinda tired.

- But I didn't even get to the point yet...

"Remember the time we broke that table?"

"What do you mean 'WE'?"

"Well we both went through it."

"You mean you put me through it!"

"I recall both...

"Where are you going?"

"Nowhere, um."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Are you going out?"

"Um. Yeah. I think so."

"Where are you going...

"Hey. Hey you!"

          "...Me?"

"Yeah you"

          "Yeah?"

"Do you know who I am?"

(Some of the names of people and businesses involved have been changed...)

“Hello, Dog Eat Doggy Daycar...

-orange

 

-Juicy

 

-woman

 

-hips

 

-red stuff

 

...

"Hi mom"
"No I haven't found anything yet"
"It's not that..."
"No it's really not"
"Look, there just isn't a lot of openings in my field"
"no it wasn't intentional"
"I...

"It's not that simple."

"Well of course it's not that simple, idiot! Did you really expect it to be?"

"Oh, shut up."

"Who, me? Why? What did I do?"

"What...

" What are you doing?"

" Trying my outfit for the wedding."

" You haven't heard? It got called off."

" Oh no, how come?"

" He broke it off. Well, techni...

“I woke up today-”

“Really? I hadn't noticed.”

“ANYWAYS; I woke up today feeling really blah, you know?”

“No, I don&...

"Wait. What's this for again?"

          "It's to open this"

"Arrg!"

"What's wrong?"

"Uhg, he texted me again."

"What'd he say?"

" 'Wanna meet up later?' "

"What's so bad about that?"

"We can't do this."

"Why not?"

"Why do you think why not? It's stupid!"

"What makes it so stupid? Lots of people do it, we'll be better off for it."

...

A: Hello?

B: Wow... you picked up.

A: Yea I did.

B: I ...

"Where did you hide it?"

"Some place you won't be able to find it."

"Where is it?! I need it! I really need it!"

"You need to stop! You haven't been outside i...

"Can you hold this for me for a second? My hands are kinda full"

"You're kidding right?"

"Oh God. Really? this again?"

"Those things can really cause some dam...

-Is there something you want to tell me?

-What? No. Why?

-Oh, I don’t know, maybe because I’ve been getting all these penis enlargement ads from you!

-I didn’...

"Guess what?"

"Oh no"

"Oh Yes"

"How?"

"I was locked out of the office again"

"Again"

" I kid you not this man must th...

I think I love you.

...Who are you talking to?

Who do you think I'm talking to?

Oh, dear god, not this again.

Hey! What do you ...

"Wait, so...you're really going to do this?"

"Yes."

"Like...REALLY?"

"Yep."

"You're sure?"

"Yes."

"Right. But, I mean, you...

"Hey, I want to ask you a hyp-hypa-o-"

"A what?"

"A hyp-hipo-"

"What are trying a to say."

"You know, when you say something, but it may not be tr...

“You stabbed me!”

 “I did not stab you, I pricked you. Stand still!”

“I was standing still. Be careful, I don’t...

"Nah, I would never build a time machine, and you know I totally could... but still, I never would"

"Are you kidding me? Why not?! Think of all the historical greats you could meet. ...

"Oh fuck!"

"Geez, can't you keep it clean? Our little ones are here."

"Well, it's hard to describe that." 

"Just call it a...balloon."

...

"There's a monster under the bed."

"I thought we were over this? No, there isn't. Go back to sleep."

"I saw it."

"It was just some clothes or toys you didn't ...

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

 

"What?"

 

"Really? You're gonna do that? Act like you have no idea what I'm talking about?"

 

  "I learned a new move."

  "Oh yea?"

  "Yes it's called Power Thrusting. See? It goes like this."

 &nbs...

“We call upon the spirit of Mr. Fitzgerald, who died in this house. Come and reveal yourself to us!”

“The electromagnetic field readings are starting to spike.&rdqu...

 

"By the way the cookie crumbles, something wicked this way stumbles."

 

"Stop it, oh my god. I can't even."

"Milk and sugar?"

"I prefer my tea steeped for three to five minutes in bittersweet metaphors."

"So...uhh... no milk?"

"My mind lactates just below the thresh...

“She’s cute.”
“Who is?”
“Your new girlfriend. A little young but very attractive. Good teeth.”
“I’m not following, who are we talking about?”
“You know! The girl who you've been...

"Remember that time we first met and you asked me what my favorite movie is?"

"Yes, dear."

"And I said 'Out of Africa'"

"Yes, dear."

"And do you r...

"Luke, what are you doing up?"

"Mum, the monster under the bed won't let me sleep"

"Alright, tell him to come here. I want to speak with him"

"Oh, oh my! Stop him! Thief, thief!"

"Thief?! A moment ma'am, if I may please clarify. Although it is true I have procured your feminine carryall against your wishes I am by no means...

*The idea of this scene is that it can interpreted in any way. All punctuation is basically up for debate depending on who reads it. It can by comedic, dramatic, whatever. Enjoy...

"Why do dogs smell each others butts?"

"To say hello and, you know, kind of figure each other out."

"Oh, so it's like a real life blog?"

"... Yes... Yes it's ...