"If we lived in the old days he would be buried at the crossroads. That's where the left people like him."

"What do you mean, like him?"

"The lost souls. The ones who played G...

"I love you." 

"I hate you." 

"That's cool...'cause opposites attract?"

"Can I ask you a question? It's about the moon."

"Sure."

"Do you know anything about an eclipse?"

"You mean when the moon blocks the sun "

"Yeah. ...

“You, sir, are a fork.”

“I'm not a fork.”

“Don't be absurd. You, are in fact, a fork.”

“You're mistaken.”

<...

BANG!

“What did you do that for?”

“He was sayin’ some things.”

“You d...

T: Sorry I ‘twere so rough earlier. Me old wound pains me a good bit in weather like this – me temper’s apt to be short-like when its cold.

N: Well, then, here's to two men bearing the r...

"Where are you going?"

"Nowhere, um."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Are you going out?"

"Um. Yeah. I think so."

"Where are you going...

(For the A and B Scenes Collab - see resources below)

 

A: Here we are.

B: Yes. Just like before.

A: Well what do we do now?

...

-What time is it, man?

-Time for you to shut the fuck up.

-Wha… Fuck you, man!

-Watch your fuckin' language. There's a child here.

-Are you...

#1: "You're doing it wrong."

#2: "No. No, I'm not."

#1: "Yes you are. You're doing it all wrong. Did you even read the instructions?!"

#2: "Yes... I mean, no....

"Wait don't go."

"Why?"

"We're not finished."

"We look pretty finished to me."

"Really?"

"What do you think?"

 

“Let’s try this again.”

“Where should I begin?”

“The beginning.”

“Well, that’s just it. There was no &ls...

"How are you?"

"I'm good."

"Liar."

--That young lady Billie Jean just defeated Bobby Riggs in the battle of the sexes. Did you hear ab--

 --It’s a foamin’ pile of shite, that’s what it is! Tenni...

- Don't worry. With me, even YOU could get pretty children! ;)

- ...

"I'm not sure I understand."

"That is okay. Not many do at this point."

"But what does this mean? I don't know what to do from here. I don't know that I want this anymore...

"Mr. Maxwell, my professional and personal observations tell me you don't have much of an ego."

 

"It was surgically removed years ago.  They went in through my...

“I can’t do this anymore, dude.”

“Do what?”

“Sit here and pretend that everything is normal.”

“What do you mea...

~

"All I'm saying is that that founding principle holds as true today as it did 375 years ago: All people are created equal, regardless of how they were created."

"I tried to resist. I really did...I promise!"

 

"Well, you didn't try hard enough did you?"

 

"You just don't understand. You're always...

“You will never amount to anything”
“I will one day support you”
“You will fail”
“I will paint your home your favorite color”
“I hope you suffocate upon the fumes”
“I will ...

"Hey, aren't you...?"

"Hm? I doubt it."

"Yeah, you're definitely the one."

"You have me mistaken for someone else, I'm afraid."

"No, no I don't. It's def...

"You can't make me do this."

"Well, I have a few tricks up my sleeve that'll tell you otherwise." 

"If I wasn't chained up right now I doubt you'd be saying that."

“I love you Mr. Hops”

……….

“Mr. Hops, what’s your favorite color?”

…………

“Mr. Hops, do you want to play hide and seek with me?”

……..

"Who are you?"

"You don't have to know."

"What do you want?"

"Maybe something that you cannot give me."

"Why are you here if you think I cannot gi...

- What are those?
- Stitches.
- What are they for?
- So that I won't lose my face.
- You could?
- Not anymore.
- How can someone lose their face?
- You'll see whe...

"Tea? Coffee?"

“No, thank you. Water would be nice though, if that's not too much trouble."

"No, that's fine."

"Thanks. So...."

"..."

-Well?

-What?

-Did he?

-No.

-You sure?!

-Yep.

-The nerve!

-I know!

-So?

-Dunno...

<...

- So, you're the creative kind of guy?

+ I'd say so.

- Want a challenge?

+ Sure.

- Create me a universe!

+ That's not a challenge. &nb...

For me? You shouldn't have!

So nice. Looks so pretty. I hate to ruin the wrapping.

Where did you find this one? Charming!

Did you add these embellishment...

"How are you not in a perpetual state of rage?"
"I guess I got used to it through all the years."
"These people just hate you because of who you are. That’s not something anyone gets use...

“Hello, are you ready to order?"

"Yes."

"Is this for here or to go?”

"For here. I’ll take a…8 oz. sirloin steak, please.”

“It’s time to meet your maker!”

“Not on my watch!”

“But your watch is slow, just like you.”

“You’re calling me slow now?”

“No, I did call you slow. Now, ...

"Mirror, Mirror, on the wall."

"I'm not really on the wall. That rhyme isn't true at all."

"What? Well, no, but that's how the rhyme goes."

"Look, I don't mea...

“So what do you think?”

“I think he’s a liar.”

“You got that vibe too, huh?”

“Albeit a very good liar.”

“Yes he is. What should we do about it?”

Christ!
Morning – just made coffee
Morning – my toe is on fire
It’s fresh
Shit I think it might be broken
God it smells so good doesn’t it
Oh Jesus it’s gone a b...

He passed in his sleep and now flies with the angels. I bet you he's looking down on us as we speak.

Passed in his sleep? What do yo mean by that?

"Ow!"

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I just cut myself."

"You need to be more careful when using a knife. You cut yourself all the time."

"I know, but this time i...

"Hey"

"Oh... hey."

"How's it going?"

"You know... Things are... They're things... So, how are you?"

"I'm good. Things are good."

"Good...

"In the beginning it's all good. You know? Everything is being controlled."

"Multiply that by two.. Now you need three..and the number keeps escalating."

"You start telli...

“So, I got your letter.”

“And?”

“And I don’t see why you couldn’t just email”

“I like to support the pos...

“Please state your name for the record, sir.”
“Full name?”
“Into the microphone, sir.”
“I said, full name?”
“Your full, legal name, sir.”
“Randall Elijah Moss.”
“Mr. M...

Scott: “Dude, I need help.”

Kevin: “What else is new?”

Scott: “No, seriously man.  I’m panicking here.  My wedding is tomorr...

"Is it true?"

"Is what true?"

"You know..."

"No I don't."

"Don't do that."

"Do what?"

"What you're doing right now."

"Ta...

“How do you feel?”

“Good. A little nervous granted.”

“Of course.”

“But good. Yeah. I feel ready.”

...

"Hello?"

"Guess where I am right now."

"What? For fuck’s sake, do you know what time it is?"

"Oh come on, humour me a bit. Guess."

"I don’t know. Where?"...

"I thought you were a geek!"

"I am!"

"No, you can't be a geek and not like Star Trek."

"Well, I'm a selective geek. I like tons of other things, but I'm just not...

"Hello."

"Huh, what?"

"It is rather nippy this morning, quite crisp and fresh. Well I suppose it would be at 4am."

"Where did the hell you come from?"

“Were you really hurt by what I said, or are we still pretending?”

“It’s okay.”

“Because I wouldn’t want this to get…awkwar...

 

BUS FARE

BY

MIKE LARSON

Hey...

"You don't dream?"

"No.  If I do, then I never remember them."

"Oh, I always dream.  Just last night I dreamt the same dream that I had two weeks ago.  It ...

"You might've heard things about me."

"I have."

“It's not all, strictly-speaking, true."

"Just loosely-speaking?"

"Very loosely." 

<...

"I'm just so tired of it."

"Uh huh."

"It's the same thing every day."

"Uh huh."

"You get up, go to work, then watch TV till you fall asleep on the...

Man Hash

“Welcome to the Snack Shack, what can I get you?”

“Hi, what’s in the Man Hash?”

“That’ll b...

 “I thought you loved me.”

 “I did.  I do love you.  It’s just that I’ve got to move on.  We’ve come to the end.”

“She said ‘write what you know’!”

“And this is what you know?!”

“Yes! I mean no! I mean, look I know the settin...

 

“We need to talk about this”

“Why?”

“The fuck do you mean, why? Bec...

"The writer is a total hack, but at least he's better than the other guy".

'Other guy? I haven't seen anyone else...